Before You Go [N.H]

Chapter Five: Balance - Burden

Niall's POV

I wake up at 7 AM as if there's an alarm ringing. But it's just my mind waking me up cause I'm waiting for Lucy to come over. She said she'll be here by noon.

'So, do you have any plans today or...' I ask Deo as we eat breakfast together.

'Yeah, I'll be out all day why? Ooh is Lucy coming over? Maybe I should stay and get to know her more! I miss her, haven't seen here since new year's.'

'Oh come on! Are you serious right now?'

'Yeah, you had her for the entire weekend! Why should I leave you two alone?'

'Because. Well... fine you can stay...' I sigh.

'I'm just kidding! I actually have to go soon. But how're things going with her? Still depressed?'

'Umm, I'm not sure... She seems very happy. Sure there are still some moments where she shuts herself off and pushes me away... But I don't know, I really think she might be happier than before. Maybe I am making a difference I don't know...'

'Hmm...'

'What? You still don't approve of this relationship?'

'Look, Lucy is a great girl. And you're great together. But I think you're moving too fast. I mean you've known this girl for what? A month now? She's already you're girlfriend, you've already taken her on a weekend away. What's next? Move-in together next month? Get engaged the month after? Why are you in a hurry? You don't know anything about this girl! You don't know her past, she doesn't know yours!'

'I don't care about her past, it's not gonna change how I feel about her!'

'You didn't answer my question. Why are you in a hurry?'

'You know why.'

'I wanna hear you say it!'

'Because I'm running out of time!' I shout.

'Because...'

'Why are you doing this?'

'I just don't want you to forget what's really going on.'

'Don't you think I know what's at stake here?!' I shout. 'Why do you think I'm doing all of this? So I can stop it from happening! When I met her, it felt like she's one bad day away from doing something drastic! Now it feels like it would take more than just one day!'

'I'm talking about the consequences of that happening, on you. You're forgetting what will happen to you if it happens again. You really want to go through all that pain again?'

'I won't have to if I am able to change her mind. Wait change her mind? What am I even saying! The girl is not suicidal! She's just depressed!'

'How can you know that for sure? Did May talk about doing it?'

'Yeah kinda... She was always like "I wish I wasn't born in the first place, I'm sick and tired of this shit." I just... I mean I didn't think too much of it. I should've. I was such a fucking idiot. But I'm more careful now. To every little thing she does or says. She never mentioned anything remotely close to death.'

'Maybe. But remember what Julia told you? Everyone goes through it differently. Not talking about it doesn't necessarily mean she's not thinking it. I think you should talk to her. Try to know if she's feeling better, if she's ever thought about hurting herself.'

'Yeah, I don't know. We're doing so well I don't want to risk ruining it by bringing it up.'

'As you like. I gotta go now, enjoy your day with her. I'll sleep at Conor's tonight.'