Glitter Glue

Worthless

I had hoped that Mom would've settled down after we made her breakfast, but I woke up disappointed again. Mom was at least home this time, but she still jumped with a frightened look in her eyes when I came in the room. I realized that she honestly believed that the only way she could keep us at her command was for us to be scared. I had shown her that I wasn't afraid anymore, so she felt worthless. I'm sure she did because I know the look of worthless better than I would like to. I've seen it most mornings as I look into the bathroom mirror. Worthless. I have to convince Mom that she's not worthless. I was at some point convinced so and it fully changed my perspective. I couldn't hide the disappointment on my face though. Mom looked at me worriedly. At that point was the first time I thought ," Does she actually care about me?" I quickly discarded that idea. I'd only ever knew of an uncaring mother who knew only to shout and glare. It couldn't change that quickly could it?
I sat, once again, by my timid mother who watched me walk towards her warily.
"Umm... hey Mom", I watched her face to find signs of what she thought but she remained almost stoical," Hi... umm I just... I need help with my homework..." , came up with it on the spot. She only looked at me. I glanced at the ground and tried again," well there's this problem and I can't figure out the... uh... the answer," she looked at me as if she was waiting and let out a barely loud enough
" ok..."
I went and got my homework which I had been planning on doing the next morning at school. Lucky for my little lie, there was actually a confusing question that I probably would've left unanswered anyway. I brought it back to Mom and planted myself back onto the edge of her bed. Math had never been anywhere close to a strong point. Some may say it was a really easy problem, but it wasn't for me. It was actually a headache of a problem. All I had to do was show her the problem and she got a piece of paper and began working it out as simply as she could and for the first time, it made sense. In fact, it made so much sense that after we had solved the problem, I did all of the rest of the problems and a few extra just for practice. After she helped me, Mom looked at me.
" I didn't know you did your homework at home." She laughed a little bit, but then quickly caught herself and looked at the ground.
"Well," I began," I guess i just wanted help from you!"
She blushed slightly,"You wanted help from me?"
"Of course!"
I expected her to be emotional or hug me or something, but she looked into my eyes as if she were searching for something. I don't know what she was looking for. Maybe she was looking for a lie. I understood completely. Trusting is hard. I don't usually trust, but I still search. Maybe she was lost.
She felt lost and worthless and I was not going to let her stay that way. I was going to help. I opened my mouth to say something else. I don't know what it would've been, I just wanted to say something... anything to show her the truth, but I don't know how. I looked at the ground for a while until I heard an excited shriek and Thomas dashed into the room. He started to tell me something, but stopped in his tracks and stared hard at Mom. He buried his hands in his pockets and slunk out of the room quieter than a mouse. I followed. It was just too uncomfortable in a room alone with Mom. Thomas went back out to the backyard and I heard a sickly sounding yip. There was a small, brown puppy laying half starved on our back porch.
Cautiously, I scooped up the gaunt puppy and bundled him in my jacket. The puppy shook and whimpered. Mom would never let us keep a dog, so I decided to only feed him for a while and keep him in the attic. Eventually, when he was good and strong, I would let him go again. Thomas named him Splat because he looked like a splat on a windshield when I picked him up. I wonder if Splat feels worthless like Mom and I. I think he does, but I never bring it up. I guess everyone feels a little bit worthless sometimes.