The House Of Games (BTS mafia) 18+

25. Blood wiener

Y/N's POV

I stayed inside my shower for an hour.

I didn't want to come out after what happened inside Satan's room.

And what happened after, while I was having a shower made me feel a bit frustrated.

I don't feel embarrassed that I musturbated because of him.

I feel weak.

Weak that I let it happen.

How can I let him do this to me?

I was never like this.

Me musturbating in the thought of...

What's wrong with me?

I let my guard down...

Again.

Mistake after mistake...

When did I become so hopeless?

When was the turn from having control to giving it to someone else?

I can't go on like this.

This is going to destroy me.

...

I got out of my bathroom and wore some shorts black this time and a plain white t-shirt.

I glance at the enclosure beside my bed on the nightstand.

Ypi was sleeping, so I go and lay down on my bed.

I closed my eyes.

The memories of inside Satan's room were still lingering inside my mind.

That sensation...

I haven't felt like that for so long.

But why now?

Why here?

When it wasn't what I chose.

I was beginning to forget how it is to be attracted to someone, true, but...

Everytime that I say to Tae how hot he is I mean it.

But howhever he touched me I never felt anything different than pressure.

It's different with Satan...

The first time that I felt attracted to soneone was 2 years ago.

But nothing too serious.

I've done some mild things with some guys, but I never had sex with any of them.

Although I had passed the trauma of that house or so I thought, in some way at least, it left a huge scar inside my soul that I could never heal, whatever I did with others.

It didn't go well when I tried, to be honest.

I thought I forgot about those incidents.

What I went through in that house with that man...

Even if I tried to have sex with someone, it would end up in tears.

It's dangerous.

More painful memories fill my mind.

Blood, pain and sacrifice.

The monster inside me is always waiting for me to let my guard down and for it to pop up and bring chaos.

Sex is the most unguarded situation you can be in.

I tried...

I really did.