I still love you | Maylor fanfiction

29

Brian's P.O.V.

Even though I tried my best to play it cool, my legs were trembling when we were walking on stage. And when I saw the countless crowds of people, billions of eyes watching us, my heart skipped a beat and suddenly, I wanted to turn around and just leave. But Roger passed me and did sit behind the drum set, pale as paper, but he did. And it was him who I had to be confident and strong for, so I took a deep breath and continued.
I was worried about him. He was struggling, I knew it, I knew it from the start, but I just didn't have the heart to force him to answer me. But at the same time, like this, I knew I wasn't helping him at all, and that was breaking my heart.

The concert was quite short, only about thirty minutes, as were only opening for the main performer, so soon, we were back in the backstage again.
Immediately, excited chatter grew in between us, and didn't stop even when we were changing into our regular clothes. It continued all the way through us getting to the car, prepared for us, and kept on going inside as well.

"Oh my god, have you even all those people?!" Deaky exclaimed, too excited to care to fasten his seatbelt.
"That was the biggest bloody crowd I have ever seen!" The blonde drummer added, all good now, his strange acting and obvious stress gone already.
"And they all loved us darlings!" Freddie yelled assuredly waving his hands in air.
"And the biggest miracle of them all, none of us messed up!" I joked, chuckling.
"You know what?" Roger asked. "We should celebrate!"
"A great idea dear!" The singer immediately agreed. Of course, in those ways, he was the exact same way as the blonde. Rock n roll all day and party all night. And sex every time in between.
"Great!" Deaky added. As it turned out, this seemingly innocent young boy, could get darn wild as well.
"Are you coming Bri?" Roger asked, with an energetic grin on his face. Only to see this smile of his again, I would do anything for him. Only because of how his eyes sparkled, it nearly made me agree even though I was completely exhausted. But in the last second, I held myself back.
"No, not today," I shook my head with a slight smile. "Totally exhausted."
"Oh, Bri!" The drummer wailed, frowning disappointedly. "You have to come!"
"Yes, you do have to! We have to celebrate!" Freddie added.
"Please!" John spoke up as well.
"Oh, you too?!" I turned towards him, raising my eyebrows, chuckling.
"No, sorry, I'm not coming. I'll go tomorrow."
"What if we won't want to go tomorrow?" The black haired man folded his arms.
"You'll always want to go," I chuckled.
"True," Deaky mumbled.
"Also, you need someone to get you in beds when you arrive."
"He actually has a point."
"He always has a point, it's Brian," Roger scoffed.
"Okay," the blonde shrugged his shoulders, giving up. "But you're coming with us tomorrow, understand?"
"Yes, sir," I laughed.

The car stopped in front of our very small hotel. We had three rooms- Fred and Deaky wanted to be together, and me with Roger had small, separate ones. I wanted to bring up the possibility of having one room with Rog as well- I wouldn't mind it at all, the opposite actually, I wanted to have him close. I wanted to be the closest to him. I felt good with him, his presence, his pure character always made me feel better, always made the sun seem to shine a bit brighter when he entered the room. But it would be really hard to explain why I wanted to share a room with Rog- I couldn't tell them that I just felt good with him- it was far more complicated and confusing and I couldn't understand only myself.

We split up into our rooms, the three other guys preparing for their night out, while I just sat back in a chair and picked up a book I brought with myself.
Suddenly, the door opened, and the blonde stuck his head in.
"Hey, just wanted to ask if you really don't want to come?" He asked, hope in his voice, as if he was pleading me to come.
Oh yes, yes, anything, anything in the whole world for you.
"I'm sorry Rog," I smiled sadly, and my heart ached when I saw the disappointed expression which ran over his face. Yes, it was only a stupid party, but I didn't want to hurt him in any way, nor the slightest. "I'm really exhausted."
"Alright then," he nodded. But it would be really better with you. I'll miss you." He blurted out the last words quickly and quietly, as if they escaped his lips without him meaning them to.
"You'll miss me?" I asked, his words pleasing me, and a small blush creeping up on my cheeks. I hoped he wouldn't notice.
He, on the other hand, was completely red.
"Yeah," he cleared his throat. "Anyways, Uh, I gotta go now."
"Have fun."
"Thanks," he waved at me with the sweet smile of his I could watch all day, and then the door fell shut behind him as he left. I stayed still, waiting for him to make at least few steps away, which I could hear against the wooden staircase.
When I was sure he was gone, I threw the book I was reading away and rushed to the window.
I had a perfect view on the outside street right in front of our hotel. Few minutes after, I could see the three walking out of the main entrance, laughing and talking loudly to each other. Freddie and Deaky were holding hands and Roger went after them, alone, hands in pockets. I should have gone with them. I wanted to be the one walking alongside Roger, I wanted to be the one holding his hand, feeling  the warmth of his soft skin on mine.

"Fuck," I mumbled stepping away from the window, and sinking back into the chair.

For many hours, I stayed awake, my Mind still running back to Roger. I was torturing myself with doubts whether I should have gone with them or not. He must be there all alone now, as I was sure Fred and Deaky were probably busy on their own. As I'm alone here, he's alone there. But whereas he must be mad at me right now, I was being eaten by guilt and stress. Our conversation we had before he left, every single damn looks oh his, I could remember in the exact detail. And I kept playing it in front of my eyes over and over, just to see the image of him in my head.
For seemingly never ending time; my thought just kept on running back to Roger. Everything about him, my thoughts were running around as mad, examining through our many shared memories, my emotions rapidly changing as I tried to keep them down at the same time.

Hours, I spent walking from one corner of my room to another, thinking about t he one same thing again and again. Not thing. Person. Angel. Roger.

———————

There was a loud shocking crash as the front door were swung shut mindlessly, and after that, blurred laughter started filling the house. I shot upright, blinking my eyes open. I must have fallen asleep.
Jumping out of the chair, I realized it must be the boys returning. 3.48. Nice.
I stepped out of my room, to find the three stumbling into the aisle already.

"And then I was... like... imma me girl," Freddie blurted out, John dying with laughter, grasping his hand tightly.
"But you didn't say that! Don't... lieee!" He wailed.
"Hey! Whatever.... y'all say, I'm the most p-powerful here," the blonde slurred in between hiccups.
"Alright, time to go to bed, all of you," I raised my voice to catch their attention, doing my best to hold back and not burst into laughter.
"Briiaan!" Roger exclaimed.
"Bri! W-where were you!" The singer added.
"Let's go," I ignored their questions, leading John and Freddie into their room. After laying on the bed, in few seconds, they were asleep, in their clothes and shoes. They'll probably be fine, but I'll still check on them later. It's actually quite dangerous to be alone while being drunk.

I went out into the aisle again, to find Roger stubbornly trying to fit his keys into the keyhole on the door of his room, but still unsuccessfully.
"Brian," he looked up when he saw me. "M-my keys don't fit."
"Let me see," I let out a chuckle, walking towards him. "Should I open for you?"
"No."
"What do you mean?" I frowned, stopping.
"Don't open it."
"Why?"
"I don't wanna go there."
"Why not?"
"I wanna be with you."
"Oh," I stood back, my eyebrows flying up as I finally realized what he meant. "Al-alright," I stuttered, surprised. "Okay. So come in."
I opened the door for him, letting his stumbling figure with darkened mind make its way in. He threw himself on the bed, not caring to undress his outdoor coat or shoes. His hair spread across the bedsheets were glistening in the light.

"I'm mad at you Bri," he winced softly, so quietly I barely heard him.
"Why?" I sat next to him, looking down at his face while his wonderful beautiful eyes wandered around the ceiling. I probably said 'why' way too many times this evening.
"You weren't there."
"Oh, roggie," escaped my lips. "It was only one evening."
Finally, he turned his gaze towards me as well.
"But I missed you. I wanted to be with you."
"Me too, Rog," I sighed with a smile and blush creeping up on my cheeks. I looked into the ground.
"Then w-hy didn't you come?" Came from behind me.
"You know- well... I don't know. I was really tired. But I should have come with you. As soon as you stepped out of the door, I knew I made a mistake. But I was too much of a coward to come after you. But trust me, I've missed you, I've missed you so much. I wish nothing more than to spend the evening with y-" I looked up, being interrupted by a light snore.

Roger, the beautiful young boy, was laying here, on my bed, in my room, sleeping peacefully as a child. God, he's even prettier in his sleep. His skin was soft, alabaster as porcelain, rosy cheeks and long dark lashes as a doll's. His golden hair was waving slightly in strains, shining.
Oh god. I loved him.

Slowly, and very carefully, I leaned down. I laid down, right next to him, cuddling to his warm body. He wouldn't notice. I could hear his breath, and feel his chest going up and down. I watched him carefully, examined and admired every single detail of him. He was beautiful, glorious.
I couldn't have stayed all night just looking at him.
But eventually, my eyelids began to feel heavier and heavier. Until in the end, I finally fell asleep as well.

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