I still love you | Maylor fanfiction

53

Roger's P.O.V.

I stood in front of the hotel. It's black silhouette in the dark was only lightened by one streetlight standing in front of it. Everything was peaceful and quiet.
But I was terrified. Because of the embarrassment I've felt. The shame. The guilt.
It's all my fault. How could I have ever do that?!
Just few meters, few steps. Just a small distance and there he is- after all what I've done.
What is he doing? Is he crying? Is he mad at me? Has he given up at me?
Of course he did. Who wouldn't?
I inhaled a shaky breath, stepping from one foot to another.
How can I even walk up there after everything what I've done?

Brian's P.O.V.

It was still dark. The stars in the sky were still shining, at least those, which were visible through the thick clouds above London.
The light cold breeze, slowly but surely turning into a refreshing morning wind was peacefully running through the streets of the city, passing by me too, touching my clothes, skin, face.
I was inhaling the fresh air, filling my lungs, filling my whole body.
I didn't feel anything. As if I was nothing. As if I was just a small part of this big world, exchangeable, unnecessary. As if I have left my body and looked at life from a much bigger picture.
Nothing mattered. Nothing. I didn't matter.
Who cared?
I was peacefully calm, my hands laid still on the railing of the Northern City bridge, as I felt the coolness of the metal through the skin on my palms.
The sky was painted black. Deep dark thick black, impossible to look through and find out what's in the other side.
Is there something in the other side? Is there a different world with different people, different rules and different stories? Or is there just more black and stars?
Who knew? And who cared?
It didn't matter.

As if with the wave of a magicians wand, the clouds on the far east started coloring first light pink, quickly turning into bloody red. Soon after, first golden rays of sunshine spilled into the landscape and the sky started painting itself with colors.
I let out a little gasp, my eyes fixated, fascinated by the wonderful scene in front of me.
The sunrise.
I will be spending my last sunrise on the Northern City bridge.

I am.

Roger's P.O.V.

Finally, finally I persuaded myself to step into the hotel. It is my obligation. It is a plain human politeness. Brian deserves it. Although I was terrified of his he reaction, and I was sure he rejects me and won't accept my apology, I still had to do it. I would be ashamed of myself if I didn't do it right now. I would lose all of myself if I didn't do it.
And I loved Brian.

I jogged up the stairs and soon, the front door of our room appeared in front of me.
With shaky hands I unlocked it.
I could already hear Brian's voice.
How can you even just show up here after everything what you've done?!
I know. I know. But I have to let you know the truth.

I opened the door, my breath stucking in my throat as I was waiting for Brian's fiery reaction.
But none came. Because the room was empty.
The lights were out, it was completely dark inside, except for the moonlight coming from the windows. But the bed was empty, the only signs of someone's past presence were the wrinkled bedsheets which were lying across the ground.
What happened here? Brian was a perfectionist and always kept his surroundings neat and clean. He would never allow this mess. What made him do this?
I walked over the room to the bathroom. He still could be in there.
I was already starting to get suspicious.
I sticked my head into the bathroom, but the only person in there was my own reflection staring back at me.
What happened?
I was frowning and I returned to the main room.
Where is Brian? Where could he go?

I would have gone to a bar. As I spent my whole day today actually. But Brian isn't me. He probably wouldn't do it. And what's more, he didn't seem to be in the state to be able to go to any club. I took care of that.
I scoffed sarcastically, taking my head in hands as I threw myself into the chair in front of the desk. As I was sitting there, in the empty room, in the silence, in the dark, my eyes were starting to get watery.
It's only my fault. It's. Only. My. Fault. What have I done?! I don't deserve Brian. I don't deserve Queen. I don't deserve anything. I am a wreck. I am a failure. It is all my fault.
I've hurt Brian. I've hurt him so bad and I know it. And I intentioned it. But deep down I didn't want to. I never wanted to hurt him. I never wanted anything happen to him. I loved him for gods sake. I loved him. And I love him still.
Why did I say that? Why did I lie? Why did I say I never loved him?