I still love you | Maylor fanfiction

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John's P.O.V.

This gig was surely the most difficult for us so far. We were all extremely stressed out, scared, worried and not enjoying it all, and the people must have seen it too.
Yes, it was a relief that Roger did arrive in the end, but he looked horrible. We were worried about him, about his physical and emotional health, and hoped he would manage to play, before we can help him. We were worried about Brian and hoped he would stay strong for those 30 minutes and play well, before he could go and talk to Rog. We all hoped the others won't mess up, but we were so freaked out that we also hoped we wouldn't mess up ourselves too.
But thankfully, soon enough, the gig ended, all safe and nice, our first tour as the opening band behind us. I must say we all imagined this moment very differently. We imagined a big party to celebrate our first big step to fame. We imagined enormous excitement, happiness, already signing contracts with managers and producers. But now- it was all totally different.

I had so many questions in mind I wanted to shoot at Rog, but now, when we entered our dressing room and I finally had the chance to ask him, I suddenly didn't want to. I did feel sorry for him, I wanted to take care of him, but at the same time I was so mad at him I couldn't stand it. I didn't know what to do or to say. So I didn't do or say anything. Besides, I noticed Brian watching Rog- I knew he was already preparing a speech for him. I surely didn't want to get in the way of that.

My gaze met with Freddie's. He stayed silent too, his eyes filled with numerous mixed emotions.
"Are y'all hungry?" Freddie said, acting as if nothing ever happened.
"Yeah, kinda," I nodded.
Brian and Rog both mumbled 'No' in response.
"Well then we're gonna go out for dinner by ourselves, what do you say? Do you want us to bring you something to the hotel?" The raven haired man continued.
"No, it's okay, thanks," Brian shook his head.
"Are you sure?" I asked. "You haven't eaten all day!"
"I'm really not hungry."
"Hm," Fred folded his hands. "We will bring you something anyways. Let's go Deaks."
With that he grabbed my hand and pulled me after him out of the dressing room.

"Oh I feel bad for leaving Rog like this," I frowned when we were rushing down the aisle. "Don't you? Shouldn't we help him or something?"
"No, no," he shook his head rapidly, stopping forward, but I noticed his voice quavering. "I couldn't be there any longer. I don't know how to react. I was scared I would react the wrong way and it will only hurt Rog. I just- I just need to think it all through first."
I let out a sigh.
"Yeah, you're right," I mumbled.

"You know I feel guilty that he left him there," Freddie told me, looking deep into my eyes when we walked out of t building. "But I think Brian wanted us to go."

Brian's P.O.V.

"Hey," I let out when the door felt shut behind Fred and John, leaning against the table with my back, watching Rog just few feet away from me. He was so close yet so far. I felt the tension in the air. I wanted to hug him, kiss him, have him all for myself again. But I knew I couldn't.
"Hey," came from him weakly, his big tired blue eyes gazing into mine. Was it offense in his face? Anger? Sadness?
I inhaled shortly. I had to ask, even though I knew what might be the outcomes.
"Are you okay?"
I saw him scoff and roll his eyes.
"Yeah."
"Are you sure? Where were you all day? Why didn't you come? What-"
"Yes! I'm okay! Now stop it!" He exclaimed, interrupting me.
"I just want to know if you're alright."
"Stop it!"
"You don't look so good. Do you wan to eat? Sleep? Anything I can do for-"
"Fucking hell Bri, what is wrong with you?!" He shouted. "How many times do I have to tell you? Stop it! I don't want you caring about me, I don't want you manipulating me!"
"For the last time, I'm not manipulating you. I'm just caring about you!"
"Yeah, and look where did your care get me to."
"Are you throwing the blame on me?" I asked, raising my eyebrows. My heart was beating fast, hurting. "You know it's not my fault, it's only yours fault. I want to help you, but you need to accept my help."
"I don't need your help! I can manage everything by myself!" He yelled, curling his hands in fists.
"Oh yeah?! By taking fucking drugs?! That doesn't seem as a very good solution to me!"
"Don't stick your nose in my life, it's none of your business!"
"It is my business, cause I care about you! I always will! And-"
My gaze fell down to his hands. In his right palm, he was holding something.
"What is that?" I asked sternly, my gazed glued to it.
"None of your business," he snapped back.
"What is that?!" I repeated, shouting. Panic was rising inside me. This couldn't have been what I though it was. Couldn't.
"I said it's-"
I ignored him, reaching for his hand and ripping the object out of it.
I was right. Oh god.
It was a small box without an etiquette, dozens of pills rattling inside. His drugs.
"Give it back!" He hollered.
"Are you kidding me? Why do you have them out? Did you want to take another now?!"
"Give it fucking back!"
"No!" I screamed. "This is fucking disgusting!"
With those words I threw the box against the floor. I didn't think. It was more of an instinct.
With a loud crash it smashed against the floor, opened, and millions of small yellow pills spilled all around the floor. In a second the whole floor was covered in tinny yellow dots.
"No!" I heard Roger screech as if from behind, and from the corner of my eye, I saw him falling onto his knees.
My eyes wide, I turned towards him, watching him in shock and horror. He flew down to the ground, on all four, panicky, as a wild animal, he started grasping all the pills, shoveling them towards himself, picking them up and placing them back in the box.

My heart beat rose and my hands were shaking.
What was he doing? What was he doing?! What is going on!
He was acting as a madman. I saw how his whole body was trembling and he was rapidly picking up the pills as if his life depended on it.
Well... maybe it did. Did it?
This terrified me. Shivers ran down my spine and goosebumps formed in my skin. I was horrified. This image- it was so drastic, unbelievable and scary.
What was going on with him? What is he feel right now? What is he thinking about?
How did I only let this happen?
This has to be stopped. I have to help him.

"Roger stop!" I yelled, falling down to the ground as well, grasping him by the shoulders, pulling him into a hug.
"Let me be!" He screamed, slapping my hands away, reaching for the pills again.
"Stop it! Roger look at me!" I reached out for him again, turning him towards me. His eyes sank to mine. His, beautiful big blue eyes, glistening with tears, full of panic and fear, staring into mine, with exact same emotions.
"It needs to stop, I want to help you! You will kill yourself like this!"
"Leave me alone! Go away! Leave!" He rejected me with shouting, turning his back at me again.
I grasped his wrist.
"I hate you!" He screeched as soon as I touched his skin, grasping the small box with all what he managed to refill it with, jumping up on his feet and backing away from me.
"What are you saying?" I climbed up from the ground as well, making few steps towards him. My voice was trembling, I was at the edge of crying. My palms were sweaty.
"Roger I love you with all my heart. You are the love of my life and I just wasn't to help you. Why won't you let me help you?"
He stared at me, breathing heavily. He stayed silent.
His pupils were so fucking wide, I couldn't nearly see the blue from this far away.
"Won't you say you love me too?" I got out of myself, hardly standing up.
Another second of silence passed, and I thought I was going to scream.

Then he inhaled. Roger, my sweet lovely Roger, inhaled and said the horrible words.
"But I don't love you."

Some drama for y'all hahahahahah
Stay safe n sane my hippies