Good Girls Love Bad Boys

Epilouge

3 Months Later

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--{{LISA}}--

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90 days.

90 days since it happened. 90 days since my world was shattered and my was heart crushed into a million pieces. 90 days since seeing that sign. Will you marry me? 90 days after I was refused access to see him one. Last. Time...

60 Days.

60 days since the funeral. 60 days since my heart was demolished. 60 days since I first moved in with Nate, home just became an unbearable place to be. To many memories. To much heart ache. Plus the fact my parents sold it to the highest bidder.

30 days since I saw another Mortem family member. It became to hard. I know I want to see them. I know I need to see them. Considering whats happened, it is essential I talk to them. At least talk to Felicity. 

3 weeks since I saw any one of my friends, except for Cygnet, who now lived with Nate and I.

2 days since I last showered. 

1 minute since I woke up. 

Numbness spread through my body and tears fell from my eyes as the reality dawned on me. I pulled myself out of this godforsaken bed. The drapes were open. Why the f!ck was the drapes open? I groaned and willed myself to walk. At least to the shower. 2 days was long enough.

Maybe i'd call Felicity today. I thought.  No I won't. Too much pain. Too much guilt. 

Maybe the hot water will help? I thought stepping into the shower. Lets face it, it won't. 

I let the blisteringly hot water rinse over me, like it was nothing. 

Maybe today will be better? I thought as I dried myself and got dressed into A loose t-shirt, hoodie and shorts. 

Lets face it, it won't. Today will be as bad as yesterday or worse. Tommorrow will be as bad as today or worse. The week after that. The month after that. The year. . . . 

"Hey" I heard Nathans voice on the other side of the bathroom door. I realised I was crying I wiped the tears away and opened the door slowly. "Morning" He said softly, pulling me into a hug.

I was grateful. 

Nathan was always there for me now. 

Acting like a big brother, a bestfriend, rather than an older cousin. 

As I said, I was grateful. 

"Morning" I replied quietly. We came apart.

I smiled. 

Not genuinly though. 

I hadn't smiled geuinly in the 90 days since it had happened. 

This one was just for show. 

I walked to the cupboard and pulled out weetbix, sugar, a bowl and milk. My regular breakfast now. My regular meal now. I rarely had a proper meal for lunch and dinner. And I've only eaten out once in my 60 days of "isolation". As I sat at the table, eating my breakfast Cygnet came through the front door, sweaty like she'd just been for a run. When she saw me she smiled simpatheticly. 

"Hey" She said giving me a hug. "How are you doing?" She asked. I shrugged. There was no answer to that question anymore. "You should come to the beach today. Its a Beautiful day". I looked down at the ring on my finger. The one I found in the red heart shaped box. The one he was going to give to me. 

I shook my head, mostly to get the guilt to go away.

"I'm staying" I said.

"You have to get out of the house, Lisa" She pleaded.

"No" I snapped.

"He wouldn't want you to stay cooped up inside for the rest of your life." When she said it I snapped.

"SHUT UP! YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING!! YOU DIDN'T KNOW HIM!"

 "Whats going on?" I heard Nate say as I grabbed my car keys.

"I'm leaving! I'll be back later" Before I could leave Nate caught my arm. 

"It'll get better" He assured me. "Be careful". I pulled myself roughly from his grip and stormed out to my car. 

Driving to god knows where. 

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My car broke down. 

This time I had no car. No way of contacting anyone. In the middle of nowhere. I pulled up the lid of my car. Smoke billowed out of it. I groaned and slumped on the side of the road. 

Déjà vu filled me. 

This had happened before. 

And I kept thinking a familiar blue sedan would turn up. 

And his  familiar smug grin would be covering the majority of his face. 

Like it always did. 

It dawned on me again. 

He won't be here to save me again. 

He won't be there to save me ever again . . . 

because he was gone. 

Gone. 

Tears rolled down my cheeks as I slumped down on the side of the road. At least I had something to remember him by. . . . as I twisted the ring on my finger. It wasn't Déjà vu. This time was different. The sun was beating down on my face. As I watched the sun disapear into the horizon I remembered a time when the 12 of us were laughing. When the 12 of us were happy. I let out a sigh. All I wanted was his soft lips, against my cheek. Just to hold him in my arms once more or to have me in his. At least I have something to hold in my arms, like he held me in his. 

"We'll be okay" I whispered holding my stomach. 

"We'll get through this . . . . cause its just you,

and me. . . "