Alter Egos

Last Temptation

Song: Ghosttown by Madonna

Description: In which the last temptation of Barry Allen wasn't the blood of Ramsey Russo, but rather, the life of Caitlin Snow.

This has been sitting in my drafts for probably over a year and I finally decided to finish it. This was basically everything that bothered me about the pre-crisis countdown, nailed to the wall and scorched with extra Snowbarry feels.

6x08 AU/canon divergence.

...

Guilt.

Of all the difficult and painful emotions swirling around within Caitlin Snow, perhaps the most prominent of them all was guilt. She felt guilty because of what had happened to Barry, and guilty because Ramsey was the one that did it. Guilty because she hadn't been there when it all happened, and guilty because of the distress it had caused Frost. Even now she felt guilty, because any time she spent in control was time taken away from Frost.

For weeks, Caitlin had felt as though she was pulled in two directions at once and it was a wonder she had actually managed to keep it from her icy counterpart. She wanted so badly to be there, to be present and to make the most of the time she had left with Barry, but at the same time, she had made a promise. She had promised Frost that she could have the wheel, she had promised her that opportunity to live her own life, and she intended to honor that promise, even if it meant sacrificing a bit of her own life in the process.

Caitlin drew in a heavy inhale, her mind feeling as though it were a chaotic tempest. She needed to focus, she needed to breathe. She had to keep reminding herself that it wasn't as if it even mattered right now anyway. Frost had refused to come out ever since Barry had disappeared in a blur of gray lightning. She was still there, of course, Caitlin could feel her, but she was deep within their shared consciousness and the bioengineer doubted she was even aware of what was going on at the moment. It was just Caitlin now; Caitlin and the mask of bravery that she had put on nearly every day of her life, even when she didn't truly feel it.

These were the thoughts that played through her mind as she stood near the edge of the street, eyes fixed on the worn-down warehouse that loomed before her. It had taken her and Cisco a better part of the night but they had repaired the damage Barry had done to their computer system, and had started the painstaking process of trying to track a Bloodwork-infected speedster. It hadn't been easy, but they had done it, and it had led them there.

"I don't like this plan," Cisco's uneasy voice sounded from within the earpiece she wore. "You need more backup."

"You guys are my backup," she replied, forcing a false calm into her tone.

"Caitlin, I'm serious—"

"Cisco, Ralph is still bedridden at ARGUS, Frost is too shaken, and we are running out of options," she cut him off, the pressure of all that had happened, and all that had yet to happen still, finally beginning to creep up on her.  "We can't wait, we don't have time. With a speedster like Barry, we could be looking at an entire city full of blood zombies before dawn."

There was a beat of silence over the link and Caitlin suspected he knew she was right.

"And besides that—" she grew quiet, her hand clamping down on the fabric of her overcoat as a familiar ache reverberated through her chest, "—Crisis will be here in a matter of hours. We can't fight what's coming without him."

Caitlin breathed in once more and clenched her fists, willing herself to be strong. "I have to try."

There was shuffling over the line and something akin to a tired, defeated sigh.