Destroyed

Chapter 9

*Barry's POV*

Everyone had came over to welcome me after they'd thrown the bad thinker in the pipeline. I hesitantly tried to talk to all of them. I think they found that I wasn't really in the celebratory mood, as they left soon after arriving.

"I'm sorry baby," I whispered to Ollie as we were cuddled up together in our bed for the first time in a long time.

He looked down at me as he gave me a confused look. "Excuse me?"

"I left that night. I caused an argument over something stupid. You were just trying to look out for me. Almost the whole time I was there I couldn't get it out of my head that you might think I hated you. That I might've caused you to think I hated you. I was so terrified that you had given up on me. I was so scared I wasn't going to be able to say I'm sorry," my voice broke as I tried to not sob.

"Hey, hey. Baby. Shh. Look at me," he whispered gently as he ran his fingers through my hair that desperately needed to be cut. I looked up at him with tears in my eyes. "Listen, I will never give up on you. I love you so much. You mean everything to me and one little argument is not going to change that. I will always find you when you need me."

I figured that telling him that he shouldn't feel like he had to care for me and that he wasn't obligated wouldn't do anything. So, instead, I smiled as best as I could, said thank you, and we went to bed.

It was around two o' clock in the morning when I woke up screaming, a thin layer of sweat coating my face and neck. I was terrified because I was back there, with that monster. I was stuck, I couldn't get out of the cuffs. I couldn't move as he violated me, again and again. It never stopped.

When I shot up in bed, Oliver was there. Like he always was. And he told me that it was okay, like he always did. He told me that I was safe now, but it did little to help me breathe again. After a while, I eventually calmed down. I apologized to him for making such a scene, and then I broke down crying because Ollie didn't deserve to have to deal with this. I tried to tell him that, but he just whispered sweet nothings in my ear, telling me that it was okay. He was happy that he was with me, he was happy that I was back. I didn't believe him, but I let it go.

                                      ************

The next few months continued on more or less like this, and it always ended up in him telling me that he loved me, no matter what. And I never really believed him, but I smiled and acted like I did anyway, because that was what I was supposed to do. And then I told him that I loved him as well, because I do. And then we laid down, he wrapped his arms around me, and I tensed up because touching still made me nervous. And then eventually, I would slowly relax and fall into a light sleep. And then the process would repeat, maybe once, maybe four times. And then eventually I would wake up and give up on sleep. I would lay there until maybe six or seven o' clock, because if I got up before then it would wake Oliver. Then I slowly would untangle myself from Ollie's arms. He always woke up, but sometimes he would go back to sleep, sometimes he would just get up with me.

On the days that he got up with me, we would go to the kitchen. Music would be softly played from the speaker on the counter and Oliver would make breakfast for us while I sat by the sink. On those days, there would be times when we would laugh and joke, and he would dance with the cooking equipment to make me laugh, and sing off-key to the song playing while he whisked whatever was in the bowl that he was working on. Those were the days when I almost felt normal, happy again.

On the days that he didn't get up with me because exhaustion had taken over his body, I would go make coffee. Then I either went to the living room, or the balcony. Most of the time it was the balcony. I'd get lost in thought, sometimes depressing, sometimes not, and by the time I snapped out of my daydream my coffee would be no longer be warm. I would sit for hours by the ledge, until Oliver came and slowly sat by me and we would sit, and it would be quiet but it would be a comfortable silence. And then, eventually he would wrap one or both arms around my shoulders and rest his head on mine. Then he would kiss me on the cheek, and slowly get up to go inside.

I liked being around Ollie more then anyone. He made me feel safe, and protected. He was the only person that I would let touch me, the only one I felt comfortable with. I hadn't been to work in a while, but Caitlin and Cisco have been patient and understanding so whenever there's Meta trouble, Killer Frost and Vibe handle it. Harry has been sticking around and helping direct them from STAR Labs.

Most of the time, I find it hard to smile or laugh. I don't want everyone to think I'm getting bad again though, so I force smiles that don't reach my eyes. I haven't self-harmed since I got taken. Normally, I would try to make myself feel something with the metal, but now all I can think of is how much effort that takes. I would rather just curl up in one spot and not do anything. Before, the issue was that I sort of numb. Now, it's like I'm overrun with emotions and I don't know how to turn it off. And though it's overwhelming, I also find it sort of funny how sick irony can be. But I don't tell people this. They're better off not knowing, I don't want them to worry.

They think I'm getting better. Sometimes I think so, too. And then I realize that I don't think I am, but that's okay. Because right now I'm sitting here, and I'm looking at Oliver. And as I get lost in his deep and mesmerizing eyes, I find myself caught in this moment. This one moment where I'm not another sad story. I'm not another statistic on an online article. I am here, and I am looking at him. And he is looking at me with his face filled to the brim with love and adoration. And the rest of the world melts away around us. And, despite all of the pain in the world, I think that moments like these might just be worth sticking around for.

              Okay, hi. I know it's been a while but a few people asked for more to the story, so here it is. I admit that the last chapter would have sort of been a sucky ending, so I wrote an epilogue, I hope it suffices. Thank you for reading this even though it was kind of bad writing at times because when I started writing the first book before this, I was sort of young and not the best at writing and it takes me a while to update. I hope you liked it, my lovelies.
                                                                      ~Abi