We're Not Okay.

Too Far Gone

Gus has been distant lately i haven't been to his house for a week

i'm getting worried about him he's been shutting me out so i can't ask him what's going on

so i went to tracy's crib to talk to him about Gus, i asked if he knew what was going on

i got nothing from him, he told me that Gus should tell me and he was really serious about it too

so i went to see Gus, i got there and he answered the door, i can immediately tell that he's stoned out of his mind

"hey boo"

he said with a big smile on his face i walked in and in all seriousness i said

"we need to talk."

his expression quickly changed because he knew exactly what i was talking about

"about what?"

he said playing dumb

"you have something to tell me, so tell me"

"i-i don't know what you're talking about"

"Gus. i am being so fucking serious right now tell me what's going on"

i took him a second to sober up and tell me but when he did i wish i never asked

"i'm leaving"

"what do you mean leaving, when? leaving to go where?"

my heart shattered into a million pieces

"so when were you going to tell me?"

"i honestly- i don't know"

"so what you were just going to leave and not say fuck all to me"

"maybe i don't know"

"you don't know fucking anything do you Gus, you don't know anything and it kills me, you don't know how happy you make me, you don't know that you're the only reason i wake up in the morning...you don't know that i love you more than anything in this entire fucking world"

at this point i was just in tears yelling at him, when i told him i loved him his face immediately got red

"but i guess that doesn't matter, i guess none of this fucking mattered"

i said, before he could even speak i turned around and walked out then slammed the door

~Peep~

she slammed the door and walked right out of my life

just like that, just before i could tell her i love her just as much as she loves me

god i love her so much, i swear i saw myself spend the rest of my life with her she means so fucking much to me

i'm so fucking stupid

i called her about a thousand times and she never answered me

i started to take dabs on dabs to the face, i couldn't deal with the pain