We're Not Okay.

Okay

i wake up in the middle of the night, after over an hour of being restless usually i'd got to Jade when i can't sleep but she's at her boy toys house

so instead i got up and looked in my pill bottle for a perc i knew i shouldn't have but i couldn't stop myself

i popped a few as Gus laid there peacefully sleeping it is currently 4 am early friday morning

i couldn't go back to sleep so i sat by my window and got my bong and smoked while he slept

the only sounds i heard was his soft breathing and the birds it was the best kind of silence

after i was done with the sesh everything started to kick in and i was dropping shit every where

which made gus wake up

"Ru what the fuck?"

he says in a raspy voice slowly getting up to help me

"i'm good i'm just trying- g- clean-"

i slurred my words and he immediately became concerned and more awake

"Ru what are you on right now? and put this down"

he said as he took the bong, grinder and lighter out of my hands and lap

"nothing i'm oh-o-okay"

i was feeling extremely slumped so he put my cheek in his soft hand and fixed my messy hair

then he sat me down on my bed and asked

"why are you doing this again baby?"

"i'm not fucking stupid Gus- you're doing stupid shit too- fuckin- snif- snorting shit like wtf dude i thought.. i thought we were in this together"

i slurred, i heard from tracy that he was starting to get into hard shit

"what am i supposed to say Ruby? we are in this together princess"

"then act like it gus? you're not supposed to say shit especially not to me when i'm back on my shit and so are you! when you go and you leave me here how am i supposed to feel?"

i said breaking down but trying to hold back my tears as i end up choking on them while i speak

"i'm sorry Ru. i really am, i wish i never left cuz if i didn't maybe you'd still love me"

i may have been fucked up and really angry but when i heard him say that he thought i didn't love him i just couldn't believe it

i laid back onto the bed and sighed knowing in every part of my mind that he could rip my heart out of my throat and i'd still want more

he thought i pass out so he immediately checked to see if i was still okay

"i never stopped"

"never stopped what, the pills?!"

"no dummy i never stopped loving you, so lucky for you it's works out either way, if you had stayed or not."