xoxo

chapter 7

a/n it's back to Mackenzie's pov by the way.
this wasn't real,it couldn't be. I couldn't have cancer,just yesterday I was dancing. I stopped in my thoughts.
dance. it's over,my love for dance and everything I had worked for down the drain. gone. my whole dance life was gone. mom had came back by now and left agin because she needed to go got some sleep but I'm pretty sure he actually just needed to go cry and really I don't blame her. I started to think yesterday was the worst day ever but I actually have friends who care enough about me to come and see me and it have a boyfriend. so really it was just a good day but bad things happen in it. this morning morning had been horrible,I got my port in which I though would hurt because there putting tubes into your skin but it honestly didn't,probably because they numbed it so much even two hours latter I can't feel it,I had also started chemo because according to the doctors "my cancer is very hard and untreatable" aka their way of saying I'm probably going to die if they don't start trying to kill the cancer. I had learned some stuff about chemo this morning while it was given to me through a tube into my body,chemo is trying to kill everything in your body without killing yourself. and it's horrible! most people think it just makes your hair go away but it's way more or starters it makes me feel like hell and id rather die at this rate...now I understood why people when they get cancer thy travel the world not wanting to go through the chemo shit. I also learned neuroblastoma the cancer I have is deadly and I probably won't make it. it's crazy though, the thought of death doesn't scare me. I drifted off to sleep to wake suddenly to find a new tube in my nose. I quickly pushed the nurse button a bit scared and confused.
"yeah mackenzie?" a nurse named izzy asked me
"what's-whats the tube in my nose."
"a feeding tube." she explained to me.
"just to help don't worry Hun."
"ok thanks."
she shut my door and I feel back asleep and woke hours latter around five pm. I had a visitor.
"hi Alex." I said softly.
"hi mackenzie."
I stopped this is the first time he had actually said my full name.
"how.....um long have you been here?" I asked
"only like an hour." he answered
"you should of woke me up."
"no...you needed sleep." he answered.
I know understood why he was being so weird,I looked at my port 100% visible sense I was wearing a tank top,my feeding tube,and the fact that my hair was falling out.
"I'm sorry." I muttered.
"why?" he asked
"that I'm scary." i answered.
"your not scary,the only thing that's scary is losing you." he said quickly.
I sat up slowly then stood
"wanna go on a walk?" I asked.
"sure." he answered
I slowly stood up only to fall down
"you alright kenz?" he asked quickly getting me up.
I started to cry not because it hurt but because I was worthless.
"please leave Alex." I said now balling.
"mackenzie what's wrong." he asked
"I'm gonna die." I answered.
"no your not!" he yelled.
"just leave please." I cried.
"if that's what you want mackenzie."
I meant to text Alex latter and tell him sorry but I keep vomiting and throwing up blood. it settled in slowly but surly,i was doomed and death was only months to come. a month had past,sometimes I still got visits from my friends,they told me how busy school is and that they missed me but I hadn't got a visit from Alex I was guessing we has broken up sense I really never had a boyfriend before.
it was a gloomy day in October when I got to go to school for one day before my huge sugary that may save my life. i got up and looked in merrier that was in the hospital bathroom,I had been scared to do this before but finally today I did it,I looked. I looked at the white tube that was in my nose I looked at my bald head missing my long brown hair, missing my old life.
the nurses unhooked my iv pole from me. I went into my bag and threw on a sweater that read "Starbucks queen" is big pink letters and black leggings and a gry neff Bennie. I grabbed my makeup and went full out till the bags under my eyes weren't there and I looked somewhat normal not counting the large tube in my nose. I stood up as mom came into the room.
"ready to go beautiful?" she asked.
"as I'll ever be." I sighed.
"it will be nice to get out of here and see your friends."
"I guessed I answered.
the ride back into town was about an hour a long hour were everything that went wrong in my head did.
my school came into view. Kids all around it.
"have fun babe." mom smiled
"bye mom." I said shutting the door.
as soon as I did this all the people around me looked at me weirdly.
I wish I could of screamed something like "I'm not a freaking monster people." but I knew better than to do that. I walked over to were my friends were standing,a girl was over there holding Alex's hand I stopped.
"MACKENZIE!" Ella screamed and ran over to me.
"Ella!" I smiled
she whispered in my ear
"I see you've seen Alex's new girlfriend,don't sorry she's a slut and I bet they will break up by the end of the day."
I laughed feeling a bit a bit better.
"hi mackenzie." Alex said with a half smile thing on his face.
I simply turned away to talk to Ella Jenna Leah and gabby more.
"you know Alex still likes you right?" Leah wait her eyebrows going up.
"he...he has a new girlfriend he doesn't care about me!" I said slightly yelling.
I walked up to first hour remembering Alex was in that class too.
"mackenzie?" he asked
"what?" I answered in an annoyed voice.
"so do you hate me?" he asked.
"yep." I answered walking into history.
a young sub sat behind the desk.
"go on your phones be social don't I don't really care." she said
I pulled out my phone and started to text Ella who was in English but brings her phone to every class frankly.
my head started to hurt badly as everything became a blur.
"al...Alex." I said quick
"you ok kenz? he asked
"no." I answered quick.
the next thing I heard was someone yelling and I couldn't move.
I woke up who knows how long later back in the hospital bed with a new scare on my tummy,which meant the sugary that was supposed to save my life or something like that happened. I took my phone out to see a new text from Alex which read.
'Mackenzie,I'm sorry...take me back?"
I didn't know how to answer say yes? I still did like him but I also was really mad at him.
I answered simply:
"I don't know."