Love of a Sinner

Ch 1 - Awareness

 Han Jiwook fell in utter darkness. 

 It wasn't the first time. He felt dark despair earlier too, though he could escape it in the past. He would try to run away from it with every possible way, every dirty trick or scheme. Everything just to break away from it.

 However he couldn't. He never could to begin with. That darkness lived within him and this time it swallowed him whole. So dark, so cold, so quiet. He couldn't hear his thoughts, his scream or even his heartbeat. 

Nothing. He became darkness itself.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 

[Lee Joohoon approached the helpless young man in front of him, a lifeless corpse knelling down with his head hanging down, like someone just split his throat a moment ago. Joohoon knelt down before the other. A mix of contradictory feelings was disguised by a cold, unreadable expression on his face and a placid voice. ]

- Foxy Han.

Something changed. A voice. Jiwook could hear something. Strange. It sounded warm.

- I suppose you didn't like my finale.

A touch. Warmer.

- I put a lot of thought into it, too...

Another change. Now Jiwook himself moved. A flinch.

- Heh. I do like that expression on your face.

A smirk. Though Joohoon's eyes were anything but mocking. More like they hid a glimpse of ... grief?

Somehow the sound of Joohoon's voice and the touch of his fingers, his intense stare and just his presence there broke through that darkness, pulling Jiwook out of it. Instantly his mind began to work like normal, his senses, his heart. He could live further.

Interesting. Yet strange. Just like clicking on the "pause"-function and then like nothing happened, pressing "play" further, Jiwook's darkness climax dispersed.

For now.

Along with his senses, his temper came back as well.

- Get your hand off of me!!! - shouted Jiwook rather too energetically for a person who just was lifeless a second before. He threw the other's hand away (again, way too hard).

To his poor luck, Joohoon wasn't in the mood for Jiwook's plays. He was getting impatient. Maybe even excited.

He pulled Jiwook's hair from back down forcibly bending him closer and making him look right at him, as to take his all attention, all his thoughts. Nothing should matter but him.

- You don't get it. You don't think... that I'm just going to give your whining and grumbling a pass, do you? [*]

Joohoon's cutting tone and look in a nearly maniac-way made Jiwook freeze completely. He sensed the danger, but just like a tiny mouse in the paw of a hungry cat, he began to tremble in fear, full aware of what will happen next.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 

The storage room, from the basement of the karaoke club, was all dusty and dark, the sole light coming through the small window on the very top of the room. Sadly it wasn't enough to lighten even the closest part to it. That's why the room was falling gradually in a frightening obscurity, making it almost impossible to find out which expression wore Joohoon at that moment. Jiwook wasn't sure if he even wanted to know that. Nevertheless the darkness made his opponent scarier than he actually was.

- Foxy Han, foxy Han, said Joohoon with a scary too warm voice and a wide grin appeared on his face. Jiwook flinched violently. It sent chills down his spine and it took all his self-control not to scream right there. He knew if he did it, he'd just make the mad man in front of him dangerously pissed.

- You disappeared without a word. Did you think I couldn't find you?

Joohoon tilt his head even closer, his lips nearly brushing Jiwook's ear. He whispered.

- I was a little sad. I thought we were close.

Jiwook felt his heart ready to burst. Though Joohoon's tone was honey sweet, a little deep and husky, possible cause of too much smoking, the kind of voice that could calm down any crying child, it had an exact opposite effect on Jiwook. He was kneeling, but even like that he had no strength to stay by himself. If Joohoon wouldn't hold him from the back, he'd just collapse right there. His fear ate all his strengths at once and let him with no power to defend himself.

It was also not the first time. That fear. He felt it then he stole Joohoon's secret photo. Why did he do that again, knowing that Joohoon would kill in beating anyone who'd try?! Why? - Simple, he was afraid.

"That photo, the person on it, must be someone very important to him, to have to hide them from everyone so fiercely, even willing to punish anyone to death for that." - thought Jiwook at that time. He got anxious. Very anxious. He finally found someone who looked just at him, who was interested in him, Han Jiwook. Not his brother.

And suddenly this unknown "important person". He was irritated and dreading. Afraid like never in his life. Afraid to loose Joohoon to this person. By incredible luck, when he had a chance, he took that photo and run away. Knowing too well that he'll certainly pay for what he did, but despite that, he couldn't help it.

That important someone was a young girl with pretty eyes and a warm smile. Unfortunately, she looked quite beautiful and like a nice girl. He hated that. He didn't expect him to be this jealous of someone he didn't even know. Yet here he was, boiling in it.

Jealousy. Ugly feeling. No matter how well you try to hide it, it devours you inside. The greatest foolish things were done thanks to the jealousy or envy and sadly, Jiwook himself did quite the load. One could say this feeling became a part of him, Jiwook getting obsessed over it. So much that he saw even his closest half, his twin brother as a threat. The small child envy grew in a delusional mania of envy so severe, that it was within an inch of a mental disorder. Of course he was unaware of that.

When Jiwook was getting mad from anxiety and fear to face Joohoon after what he did, and his brother wanted sincerely to help him, a thought morbid like a plague poisoned his mind. The "threat" to his happiness, he finally knew how to get rid of it.

He sent his brother there, instead of himself, aware, no – hoping for his plan to work. The plan to break his brother entirely. Starting with that thought, Jiwook was falling slowly in a drunken, madness state which he mistook for happiness. 

[* credits : "At the end of the Road" by Haribo]