My Shield

p2, Chapter Two

Flashback.

I put my car in park before I laid my head down on the steering wheel. Today was the day. Today I aborted my unborn child. Today I became a killer. I looked up in the mirror completely disgusted in myself. It's like I wanted to find a way to talk myself out of this but I knew better.

"This is what's right. It doesn't need a fuck up like you for a mother." I said to my reflection.

Sighing I climbed out of the car and made that dreadful walk. Opening the door to the abortion clinic I signed in. Once I set down I couldn't help but notice a young girl with a tiny baby bump and her mother setting near me. It reminded me of AJ. She had gotten pregnant at the age of 14. Mother demanded a abortion whereas AJ wanted to keep it. I think that's where their problems started, and where AJ decided she'd never have kids.

I looked down at my belly. It was weird, I coudn't fathom that there was actually a living human in my stomach. Reaching down I rubbed it up and down. It must be scary, I mean I know babies don't remember being in their wombs but maybe they don't remember because it's too traumatizing. I felt for it. How can I do this? Either way I lose. I either get a baby but don't have a daddy for it. Or I kill it and have to live the rest of my life knowing how horrible I am. Boy I am horrible, I'm killing this thing before it's even able to see the light..

I began thinking of all the things it would miss out on. It would never get to feel the love of another person. It would never get to wittiness how beautiful it is when the rain pours down. It would never get to watch an episode of wrestling. It would never live.

"Ember Mendez?" I woman asked in a long white coat.

I stood up but suddenly felt very sick. Holding my mouth I ran past the woman and into the bathroom. As I hit the floor I found myself hurling up all of last nights food. When I felt a Hand on my back I looked up to find the same woman.

"It's okay.. Let it all out. It's a part of the process." she said sympathetically.

"How do I know if I'm doing the right thing?" I asked through tears.

"You don't. And you never will. You are the one that picks if you want to take a chance or play it safe. But no matter what you do we have people here that can help you. We'll always be here for you."

After that I made the biggest decision of my life. I crawled off that floor, grabbed my purse and walked out the door while the tears poured. As I got half way to the car I got sick again. I almost killed my baby. How was I supposed to tell people I couldn't go through with it? Maybe if I lie to them, and myself I can buy myself sometime. No one can know...

~~ End of Flashback.~~

"Sir I think you have the wrong girl" I said pulling him away from mother's casket.

"No, I have the right one. Ember Ashlyn Mendez. I was even there when you were born. But your mom wouldn't let me sign for you. She didn't think I was your dad. But I know I am, I have the feeling." He explained smiling at me.

"I'm sorry. It's just my mother was kinda a whore. Anybody could be my dad. What makes you think you're the one?" I asked him whispering.

"I told you I have a feeling. When you know, you know."

Just then AJ walked over to me and gave me a tight squeeze. At least we were actually getting along. Maybe she can help me tell this guy that he's not my father.

"How are you holding up Em?" She asked letting me go.

"I'll be fine." I smiled a little bit.

"April?" The weird man asked.