Undisclosed Secrets

Chapter 8 - Xavier

The throb at my temples was getting to the point where nothing would take it away. Problems after problems. Stupid mistakes. Mistakes that shouldn't be happening. 

Lunch and I am sitting in my office with the door locked and my assistant on high alert not to bother me. And Andy was strict, tough, and the best I ever had. I would trade Andy in for anything. 

Hitting the button my phone, my screen comes to life and I am met by the photo of the calf Rachel sent me. I don't know why, but something about it eases the throbbing. I open the messages from Rachel I had and go through the last one where she rambled on and on about this canoe trip. 

Hearing she is going with that cop, apparently one her friends drool over all the time, gives me an itch that I can't scratch. It bothers me. Why? I am not too sure yet. Maybe because I haven't been able to stop thinking about it. Or her. 

I saw that one photo of her, but I couldn't see too much of what she actually looked like. I just knew how big of a heart she had. And she had never asked for a photo of me, and I never sent her one. Maybe that was why I was so intrigued by her. 

This was not right. I should not be thinking so much about this woman. I knew nothing of her, had no idea as to what she really looks like, or where she actually lives. I just know that I am in the same area code as her right now, and if my past catches up with me, if the monster gets out, she is going to be in danger. 

Get my work done here and get back to Texas. That's what I need to do. In and out of Wisconsin before she found out I was anywhere in the vicinity. The last thing I wanted was to scare her, the one woman I enjoyed spending time talking to. 

My cell rings and MOM highlights across the screen and I am instantly taken away from the photo I enjoy looking at. 

"Hello, mother." A lump fills in my throat. Any time I get a call from my parents, I worry. Could this be a call to let me know there is a chance of the monster getting out? Is this a call to tell me I have to report to Texas and meet up with my so-called special friends. 

"Hello, son. I have not heard from you, and I thought I would check in." Her voice sends a wave of calming waves through me. If there was something wrong, I always knew by the tone of her voice. This was nothing alarming. "Are you at the house?"

"No. No. I am still at the office. I am hoping to leave here soon." My computer chimes, and chimes, and chimes. Emails. Those could wait. I just needed time to myself for a while. 

"You sound off. What is going on, Xavier?" With my silence, she knows something is on my mind. Or, someone. "You can talk to me, honey."

"I know. I just..."

"You are okay. You need to stop living in fear. Let go for once. Live." 

I live, get comfortable, and someone disappears. It's my life. It's my monster. 

I was not convicted for Monique's disappearance, and though she is said to be dead, I hoped she wasn't. For what it was worth, I did love her. Just not enough to marry her and make that life-long commitment. Every night for years, I replayed those days in my mind. Over and over again. Still the same outcome. I don't know what happened. I just knew I was a monster. 

"I did what they said and I met someone online. I didn't want to. I don't know why I..." My chest tightened. MY parents were great parents, and my mom was someone I talked to quite a bit about my issues. Not once has she ever told me I was a horrible person or was disappointed in me. She guided me, never laid the path down for me. "I like her."

"That's good. What is she like?"

"I haven't met her... in person."

"Okay."

"She has this calf... this baby cow that she takes care of. And it always follows her around, gets in arguments with her dog for attention..." I laugh just thinking about the funny things Rachel's told me about. It was a break from the stress. Something I look forward to hearing about after most crappy days.

"Where is this young woman at?"

"She... her area code is here, but... I didn't tell her I was here. She's sketchy on the whole dating site thing, and she's had really bad luck with dating also."

"Sounds like a match for you. What kind of work does she do?"

"She's a farmer."

The silence slithered in. My mother was a good woman, kind hearted, and a free spirit. The biggest life lesson she instilled in me is not to look at what a person does for a living, but to look at how they lived. Were they honest? Were they trustworthy? Did they have dollar signs in their eyes, or cheat?

My mother was a great judge of character. I know she had strong feelings against Monique, but she never said anything negative about my choice. She painted on that loving smile, welcomed her in the house, and opened her world to my girlfriend. When I said something about Monique begging for this huge diamond ring, I knew my mother didn't approve, yet she held her tongue.

This was the first time in all those years I've even mentioned another woman. Not one has given me this kind of rush, this alive feeling since.

Guilt punched me in the gut. No matter how much I loved Monique, I never felt like this before. Something with Rachel just lures me in, and it is scaring the hell out of me. What if this monster broke free and Rachel was the collateral damage? I barely was able to live with the disappearance of Monique. If anything happened to Rachel, I would never be able to forgive myself.