We are both a mess (an Ed Sheeran fanfiction)

Chapter 23

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In that moment I understood my brother's text message. My face was indescribable, especially when I made eye contact with my parents. I looked away quickly to avoid seeing my mum staring at me. Ed whispered on my ear if I was ok and I just nodded.

What was I supposed to do? Ignore them? Talk to them pretending that nothing had happened? The only thing I knew is that later I was going to have a huge argument with my brother. I didn't want to do it, I didn't want to talk to my parents, not in that moment, I wasn't ready.

My mother was as elegant as always, she was wearing a colourful jumpsuit although I still could see the sadness in her eyes. My father was still the same asshole. I got in the living room and I introduced Ed to Jade, who realized about my face, I was completely pale.

-Ed, these are Anne and Luke, John's parents. -I said without looking at them. He shook their hands politely with a 'nice to meet you and of course, automatically he realized that they were my parents as well.

 After greeting John's friends I went to the garden, followed by Ed. I needed some fresh air, being stuck there was like a nightmare, I couldn't stand the tension in that house anymore.

-Are you okay dear? -he made me feel better by massaging my shoulders and I just rest my head on his shoulder.

-Can we leave, please? I don't want to be here...I don't want to ruin this party.

-Don't you want to talk to them?

-I can't...I am not ready for this...

Suddenly Jade came out to tell us that the dinner was ready. Then she came closer to us to ask me if I was okay and after she saw my face she just hugged me. Her hugs always made me feel better. Much better.

During the dinner I just had some of the Borboun chicken that Jade had made, I just wanted to be polite with her. I knew that she loved when people tries her food, but being honest I wasn't hungry. I tried to avoid my parents glaze, talking to Ed and sometimes to some of John's friends who spent all the night talking and telling jokes. After the dinner, some friends of John just went home and the rest of us stayed a little longer. I saw that Christian was about to go so we did the same, although I knew it wasn't going to be that easy.

I was putting my coat on when I heard my brother's voice behind me. No one else was in the house apart from my parents, Jade, Ed, John and me.

-Are you really going home, escaping? I just can't believe it...I am really disappointed Nikki...you sh-

-Are you fucking kidding me?? - I cut him- You? Disappointed?? Really?? Do you have any idea of how do I feel about all this shit?? Do you think it is easy to come here and see that your brother has set a trap? And then trying to act like nothing has happened?

-Stop living in the past Nikki, stop thinking just of you, you are being so egoistic. Why can't you just sit here and talk to them?  Try to solve the problems!! - he shouted at me. Ed and Jade went to the kitchen without saying a word to clean everything, but I bet it was just an excuse to let us four alone.

-What if I don't want to solve them?? I am fine how I am!  It was their decision, not mine. They decided not to talk to me anymore because of a psycho, so don't fucking blame me.

-We didn't know he was like that. -my father said and his words really hurt me. He didn't even say sorry, he just made that excuse up.

-And? Is that an excuse to stop talking to me?? Even the excuse of dropping university out? How do you think I felt when I saw that two of the most important people in my life just turned their backs when I need them? Do you know that if it wasn't for John or Ed I would end up committing suicide? Do you know Adam abused of me? -I spitted and my mum started crying and so did I. - John, would you let your future daughter alone even when you know she needs you??

-Of course not!!!! For Goodness sake Nikki, don't you see that we are humans and we make mistakes??

-Could you just stop exonerating them?? They aren't saints John, we aren't neither. They haven't said any word, except that excuse and you know what? The fact that mum took care of you, doesn't make her more special nor you, because that's something we all would do.

We stayed in silence for a few seconds when John said, well shout, with surprise in his voice:

-Oh, I understand it...you are jealous!!!

-What?? Are you kidding me?? Look, I am going home, I just can't stand this. I am not going to stay here like a dumb, when they are not even sorry about anything. Fuck you all. -I came outside and slammed the door. In that moment I felt the cold November air on my face. Seconds later I heard John and Ed talking although I couldn't really listen what they were talking about.

We did our walk going home in silence. Finally we got to Ed's house, it seemed like we were never going to get to that house. Once I was taking off my clothes and putting one of his hoodies on is when I started crying. And I couldn't stop. Tears of frustration and desperation falling down my face. Ed hugged me so tight and gave me a kiss on my forehead. His arms around my waist is what I needed in that moment. Then he told me to lay on bed. Minutes later he came with a hot tea, he said it would make me feel better.

-Do you want to talk about it? - he told me, laying with me in bed,  with my head against his chest, and his fingers brushing my hair.

-It just annoys me the fact that my parents didn't even tell me I'm sorry. For them that's too much, because that means they have to recognize their mistakes. And I just had the worst argument ever with my brother...

-I am sure everything will be okay again with your brother when you both talk about this without shouting and that stuff...and about your parents...if you want my opinion... I would call them in some days to meet them somewhere and talk about this, without your brother. Because he is a very protective person and that's good but that's also bad because he doesn't let your parents to explain themselves or to say something... You only have a mother and a father in this world and I am sure they love you so much...is just that they don't seem to see their mistakes.

-Yeah...you are right I think... I am sorry I have a family like this...sometimes I wish my family was like yours...-I stare at the bracelet that Imogen gave me time ago and then drink some tea.

-My family isn't perfect neither, but don't worry, we will get through this together, till the problems are gone. -he gave me a brief but intense kiss on my lips and then when I finished the tea, I felt asleep.

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