We are both a mess (an Ed Sheeran fanfiction)

Chapter 36

The first thing I did when I got home was looking for my suitcases, which were in the garage. I placed them on the bed and started to throw the clothes into them. While I was throwing them I cried and cried, I just couldn't stop. It was like a nightmare. I would never have believed that this could happen. Everything was supposed to be fine. The worst part of that was trying to assimilate that it was Ed the one who broke my heart this time, the one who broke me in pieces, in such an unexpected way. It was hard to assimilate that the person who had been your everything, it was now nothing.

Well to be honest, I saw it coming somehow. I did what most of the time people do, I lied to me without wanting to accept reality. I lied to me by thinking that he would had hung out with a friend not with his ex-girlfriend, the one who called him few weeks before that. I even lied to me when I saw the condom, I wanted to think it was an old one.

But I had so many questions going around my mind and I wasn't sure if I wanted to hear the answers, but I wasn't neither sure if I could live without them. I wanted to know how long and why, why he had done that to me. Wasn't he happy with me anymore? Wasn't I good enough to him? What did I do wrong? Why her?

I didn't even realized that my mobile phone was vibrating. It was my brother John. Alex must had probably told him.

"

'Nikki, are you okay??? I swear I'm going to kill that motherfucker as soon as I see him.'

'John...I...he...' I wasn't even able to say a coherent sentence. I started crying again.

'Hold on, I'll be there in 10 minutes.'

'No...no...John...he's here...I call you...later...' I said when I hear Ed unlocking the main door and saying my name a few times.

"

'Nikki...are you here?' he said while opening the door and looking at me while I keep throwing clothes in the suitcases, without saying a word. ' Nikki...Nikki...please say something...say at least that you hate me. But say something...'

'Why? Why you had to cheat on me? Why you lied to me?'

'I-I don't know...I just...I love you and...'

'And?'

'And I love her. I didn't want to hurt you. I just wanted to clear my mind. I'm so fucking confused. I just...I don't know what to do. She came...and we met after the studio...we kissed. Also...the night I came home drunk...we had..s-se-'

'SHUT UP! I don't...I don't want to listen to you anymore.'

'I just wanted to explain you...'

'What??? What did you want me to explain? That you fucked her while we were together? How dared you Ed? You were the only fucking person I've ever loved as much as I could never have loved anyone. I just can't believe you were going to do this to me. I thought you care for me.'

There were no more tears, just anger, helplessness and a big hole inside me. What I was supposed to do next? He told me he also loved her. He didn't say he was going to fight for me. He didn't even care about me.

'I just need time, Nikki. Please.'

'Time for what? Time so you can keep fucking her?'

'I need to think about everything. I'm confused, I've told you. I'm sorry Nikki. I'm really sorry. We were both a mess. I was a mess and still. I'm so fucked up. I don't want you to suffer. You...you can stay here, I will go.'

'No. I couldn't even stand being here even for a fucking minute. I'm done.' I finished by closing the suitcases and going to the nightstand to take the frame in which there was a picture of us, my favourite picture of us. ' This is over.' I said and threw to the floor the frame, causing a noise because of the broken glass. ' I can't trust you anymore. It's not going to be the same anymore. You aren't who you were supposed to be.'

I took my two suitcases and walked towards the doors of our room. I also threw the keys to the bed. He didn't react, he was staring at the broken frame and at the picture in silence.

'Don't bother about my stuff. I don't want it. You can throw it all away. Oh, and thank you for throwing away two fucking years of my life. I really appreciate it. Don't bother about calling me neither.'

He was in the exactly same position, staring at the frame. I decided to get out of there before I would started to cry again. I grabbed a taxi and headed for my brother's studio. He was cleaning which means he was almost about to close. When he saw me, there weren't needed any questions. He just hugged me and we stayed like that for a long time.

'You will stay with us the time you need. Don't worry about that. I'm not going to let you down or alone because I wouldn't stand if you even try to commit suicide again, okay? I'm here Nikki. I'm here.'

The only thing I could say was a simple 'Thank you.' I knew this was just the beginning of my fucked up life. We started being both a mess and we ended up in the same way. We are both a mess.

________________________________________________________

I could perfectly end up here the fanfic...buuuut.... I'm a good person :D VOTE AND COMMENT PLEASE. I'D LOVE TO SEE WHAT YOU THINK RATHER THAN READING "UPDATE"

Thank you for reading!!!! Don't forget to check my other fanfic INVADED BY YOU (ED SHEERAN) a completely different story. Out of cliché! 

x.Marie