A Change Of Scenery

Anxiety

The feeling you get after coming out of a panic attack is a lot like waking up from a terrible dream, and then feeling crazy over your panic.
The feeling you get after waking up from a panic attack cuddled up to a boy in your brothers "room".. A whole other feeling.

"Oh, God."

My eyelids fluttered as I tried to make sense of what voice I had awoken to.

Ben!

I shut my eyes tighter as I pretended to be asleep.

"I know what you're thinking, but don't.
That Chris guy showed up last night and upset her.
I wasn't going to leave her in that state alone" Landon yawned.

"He did?
Figures, he thinks he has some weird claim on her.
You should have seen him a few years ago.
Anyways I don't really care, but you better wake her up because our parents will. You uh.. Probably don't want them to uh.. See the two of you like this."

He shut the door.
Eventually, I peeked to see if he was gone.

"Well, that was awkward" I mumbled as I got to my feet.
I stumbled out the door without ever glancing at Lan.
I didn't even want to face him after the recollections of last night came flooding back.

As I stood in the shower for far too long I thought about his words.

Why did I go out there?
I just wanted that part of my life over and done with.
Maybe facing him was the closure I subconsciously needed.

The remainder of the morning was quiet.
Landon didn't speak and neither did I.

After relaxing for a while I spoke up.
"So it's our last day here, what should we do?"

Landon shrugged.

After an eternity with no answers, I elected to drag him back to the sea.
After all, I presumably wouldn't see it again for a while considering our portion of North Carolina is primarily mountains.

We sat in silence for a while just taking in sun and the sea before Lan muttered,
"Why did you meet him last night?
He could have hurt you, and I just, I thought.." He trailed off.

There it was, that disappointed voice I didn't want to hear.

"You thought what?"

"I don't know, I guess I just thought we were..something..I guess" he fidgeted showing a stone cold expression. Whatever he was feeling, he wasn't going to show it.

He wouldn't even look at me.
He did that when he was mad, sheltering those beautiful eyes as to not give away whatever he was feeling.

"I thought you'd come to me with things like that.
Not because you need me, cause you don't.
Just because.. I don't know Linley, because.." He paused, seeming to think very hard about wording his thoughts.

His face was red and his normally bright green eyes were dark.

I rested my hand on his back lightly.
He flinched.

"Listen, Lan, I don't know why I did it.
I ask myself the same thing.
I guess I just needed closure.
I wanted to show him I didn't need or want him. Because for so long we both believed I did. And then I met you.
Part of me also didn't want you involved because, well I know you could hurt him pretty bad."