✓ [18+] THERE GOES MY EVERYTHING

XVI.The Moment I Repurposed An Old Converse Shoebox

A/N: So, for now, I'm going to focus more on this story above all the other's I'm currently writing, which at this moment is four in total; so bear with me lovelies haha ;)

I hope so far you've enjoyed this story and Nate's POV. We are nearing a very important part, hint:next chapter:hint that correlates with a flashback in A Thousand Miles From Nowhere. So, YAY!

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XVI.The Moment I Repurposed An Old Converse Shoebox

Tomorrow is the big day. I finally finished my general education and graduate from Clinton Hills High School. It also means that I have three days before I have to leave on a plane to Fort Leonard Wood, Missouri for my ten-week basic training with Ford.

It's also been a month since Jimmy's party and I had an epiphany on what Bex and I could be potentially down the road.

Of course, I didn't want to take Heather and my mom's subtle hints towards Bex's feelings for me because God would it be mortifying if I assumed she possibly liked me in a more than a friend way; only for her not to. So I've spent the last month sitting back and watching.

I've watched every minute emotion, reaction, anything pertaining to Bex more often than I already was since the day I realized I was falling in love with her. Which also meant, we had to spend more time together. So with that, I started going over to her house more often without Ford or Heather.

We even started going to the movies more during the week and on the weekends. Of course, my excuse was to merely chaperone my little sister on dates but the true meaning was to go on unknowing dates with Bex.

Yeah, I know, fucked up because she had no idea but hey, I'm a desperate man who's running out of time.

With the conclusion to all of this the last month, I still have no idea how Bex truly feels about me deep down. I have no idea if she secretly loves me or not.

All I can say is that if she does, she's damn good at hiding it from me.

I even damn near begged Heather to tell me and she refused to talk like a monk who's holding true to his silent oath.

Even though I didn't get the answers I wanted, I still have enjoyed all the time I've spent with my favorite girl.

I smile to myself as I look through all the trinkets I've collected since the day everything changed.

From movie tickets and photos we've taken together, there's a nice-sized stack that I gently place into an empty Converse shoebox that I had sitting in the back of my closet. When I close the lid, there's a soft knock on my bedroom door and before I can tell whoever it is to come in, the door opens.

Mom stands in the doorway as she crosses her arms over her chest and leans her side against the doorframe. She looks down at me with a warm smile for a brief moment before her eyes catch the box on my bed by my bent knee.

Letting out a sigh she walks over to my bed and sits down near the end directly in front of me before grabbing a hold of my hand that's resting on top of the box, giving it a gentle squeeze.

"Sweetheart...you need to tell her. You're out of time," she gives me a knowingly look with a quirk of her brow and I let out a frustrated breath of air.

"I know Mama, I know. Just what if she—"

"Stop thinking that way, honey. That's been your excuse for nearly a year and look where it's gotten you. You don't know for sure how Bex will feel and you never will if you keep thinking of the what-ifs. Just tell her. The worst that could happen is she doesn't feel the same and you go back to being just friends. You'll be leaving Sunday Nathan, and you'll be across the country or God knows where once you're done with training. There's a great big world out there and plenty of other girls that are more than capable of making you happy," she pats my hand and tilts her head with a frown.

"But Mama, she's the only girl I want," I furrow my brows and look down at my fisted up hand in my lap. Mom reaches over to grab my fist and gently pulls it apart until it's relaxed.

"I know honey. She'll probably be the only one you'll ever want, mostly because she's your first. Your first love is always the hardest to get over. Even after all this time, I still am desperately in love with your Daddy, which is probably why I've never been able to move on with another man," she sighs with a slow shake of her head.

I frown at her, realizing how I've never seen her date since Dad died. It must be really lonely after all this time.

"Mama, you know you could always start dating again. Heather and I wouldn't care as long as you're happy. You're not betraying Dad by moving on," I quirk a brow at her and she looks up at me with a soft laugh.

"Oh, honey I know that. I know I could've started dating years ago but I just never wanted to. I've been contempt of being a mom to you and your sister. I don't know since you two are much older now and getting ready to start your adult lives, I could maybe start dating again. We'll see but right now it's not about what I need to do, it's about what you need to do son," she urges me with a warm smile. I nod my head as I gaze out my bedroom window where I can see Bex's house from here.

Mom eventually gets up and makes her way back to her room while closing my bedroom door. I get up from my bed to place the shoebox under my bed and motion to stand up by my window. I open it and climb out onto my roof above my room using the convenient tree that's perfectly placed in front of my window and look out at the night sky.

Every now and then I'll glance over at Bex's, tempting myself to go over there and confess everything.

I look up at the starry sky above me while I lean back until I'm laying flat and all I can see is the known universe above. I let out a deep sigh and begin to talk to the one person in the said known universe who I know would give me the best advice right now.

"Dad...I don't know if you're listening right now but I could really use some of your fatherly advice. I don't know what to do Dad and I'm so scared. I'm so scared to lose her, to lose my chance with her but at the same time, I wonder if telling her is even worth it deep down. Even if I do, I only have a couple of days before I have to leave and I don't know when I'll be coming back."

"What if she doesn't wait for me? What if she moves on...without me? What if...what if I'm left with nothing but a broken heart by the end of all of this?" I rant my deepest thoughts to the open air, to my dad, up in that big bluish-black sky with stars all around.

God, I wish he could be here right now because I know he'd tell me what I need to do.

You already know what he'd say, Nate. He'd tell you to act like a man and own up to your feelings. That admitting them doesn't make you weak. That admitting them, especially to the girl you love makes you the strongest man in the world. He'd tell you to tell her, tell her before it's too late.

With that final thought, I know what I have to do. It may not be tonight, tomorrow or the day after but I know that before I leave Sunday for boot camp, I'm telling Rebekah Miller exactly how I feel.