Four Years America

5

After Johnny had told me about the people he had met, I had never felt happier. I was glad he wasn’t alone anymore. I on the other hand didn’t have much luck making friends, but I suppose it’s my fault. I don’t want to build a close relationship with anyone here because I’d probably never get to see them again. The idea was too much to handle, so I just kept to myself.

Today I had another day of dance practice, which was slowly starting to kill me. They push me so hard to get every step and move perfect. It gets mentally, emotionally, and physically painful after a while.

It hurt to have to go through it all alone, without Johnny or anyone else by my side to give me the emotional support and encouragement I needed. I wished I was with Johnny. I wished I was with him and all his new friends, having a great time. Laughing, joking, playing games, all the normal things people our age would do.

As I wobbled into the dance, the instructor got mad and told me I keep losing my balance and ruined the whole thing, and that I needed to start over. I was almost to the point of tears. My body ached and I itched for a break, I had been dancing for hours, at some point it started to just feel like abuse in all forms.

After I finally was released from my torture that the company deemed ‘necassary’, I had a dry throat and a heaving chest as I tried my best to catch my breath, chugging down my water.

What's worse is I had vocal training right after, and my throat being dry after my dance practices never helps me any. It just gets me in trouble and I have to work 10x harder than I’d ever need to.

It got so rough that every night I cried myself to sleep silently. It’s all I could do. I wanted to scream and be loud, but by the end of my days my voice is as good as gone. My body would ache as I laid in bed sobbing into my pillow. My heart hurt even worse though, because I knew Johnny wanted to be a trainee as well, he was just lucky enough to not get signed under a company as soon as I did. He would have to go through all the pain that I’ve been going through, and probably without the support of me. That idea… Was the worst pain out of it all.