Runaway

thirty

thirty

White ceilings, why does every room have white ceilings? My old bedroom, the first room I woke up in at Theo's pack, the room Dexter took me to and of course, this room, in Xavier's house. Goddam white ceilings.

I roll over in bed, only to come face to face with a white wall. "Why must everything be white?!" I mutter, swinging my legs over the side of the bed wrapping the duvet around me.

Moving into the middle of the room I plonk onto the ground surrounded by a fluffy white duvet. I've never been a good sleeper and recently I've found myself sitting on the floor more and more often. I'm not really sure why I'm so drawn to the hard surface, something about it is oddly comforting.

I shut my eyes, there's still so much I don't know. But, there isn't much else I'm going to learn. No one is willing to tell me the whole story, they'll hint at things and make off-handed comments but it's not enough. It's never going to be enough, not while my own memories are off limits.

My entire life up until this point has been controlled by other people. Every corner I've turned has revealed another character who knows more than me, like everyone's read the book and I've only seen the title.

Okay; I have no wolf conscious but I managed to shift anyway, I have no memories from before I was ten-years-old, I can't access my memories otherwise I'll die, my life is tied to some witch who lives in Europe, I have two mates, there are two very scary powerful Alpha's looking for me and apparently I can't leave America.

What am I meant to do go back to Theo? I'm sure he'd take me back. Although, someone wanted us to be mates so badly they brought in a witch to ensure it. There was the incident where he cheated on me and left me with a complete stranger. I'm not going back there.

I could always return to my old pack. I'm sure they'd all be so excited for me to return and be Luna. It would stop this man hunt for me and maybe as Luna I can do good, maybe my werewolf will finally come out. Then again, even if I could do all of that, there's no way Alpha Michael would ever let me learn. Learn about werewolves, the supernatural order, the Weresile, my past. After everything it took for me to leave, I can't go back.

That leaves Xavier. I could stay in hiding with him, put Xavier and everyone else in danger with my presence, force him to take sides when it's his job to put the supernatural order above all else and then what? I just hide here forever here half in the dark about my own past all the while burdening Xavier as a weak Luna? Absolutely not. I can't. I won't do this to Xavier.

I need answers, I need to be free. That's why I ran the first time, that's why I'm still running. Hopefully this time I'll run right into what I'm looking for. If I am as gifted and powerful as everyone believes then I should be okay on my own.

How hard can surviving alone be anyway?

I stand up, pacing back and fourth. How am I going to get out of here? I'm weak, I have no control over when I shift and even if I do manage that, Xavier is the head of the Weresile, I doubt he's easy to outrun.

I need another way. A way to sneak out. "UGH!" I cry out slumping onto the bed, staring at the blank walls around me. Wait, the painting, the secret tunnels, I can use them. I'm sure they're easy to follow.

I shut my eyes, am I really doing this? I'm really just going to leave Xavier and everyone else? My heart breaks at the thought, being around Xavier makes me feel safe and loved and enough. It's all I ever wanted when I was trapped in my old pack and yet, somehow it's not enough anymore.

Now I know I need more than the answers Xavier can give me. As long as I stay here I'll remain trapped within the limitations of my memories. After sixteen years of being caged and kept in the dark I'm not doing it for my whole life.