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uhm, this is hitomi, the dumbass girl who always try to commit suicide at the rooftop but always fail miserably. because, everyday, there is so many people trying to also commit suicide, they always get there before i get there and take my shoes off. i ended up telling them to stop, making them back out, i always have reasons to tell them that suicide was not worth it. that their suicide reasons were not a big reason for them to get to the rooftop before me. almost everyday, everytime i try to jump, they were there. wind blowing their hair, looking down at where they are suppose to fall on. i always get pissed, because i missed another opportunity. i just want to fall and die, i want to end my miserable useless life. i was weak, useless. helping out to stop their suicide was nice, but i just want me to be free.
and everytime i finished talking to them, they disappear, like a bubble. i end up crying because i can stop anyone from committing suicide but i can't stop myself. i wanted to take all the pills, but stupid child proof caps. i am, in fact known as a cheerleader. they don't even know what i am going through, i always leave myself alone at the bathroom, looking at myself. pitying myself.
i wished there is someone who can also stop me from killing myself, no way i could let my feelings out.
