𝗠𝗬 𝗥. ✔

7

♢HITOMI♢

i thought i should just give up, there is no way i could get out of my thoughts that are sickening, the people i have saw can't be just an imagination, no they can't. i just spend all of my words to waste, and what was worst that i can't even apply it to myself, i can't like turn away from being suicidal.

here i am, at the locker room of the cheerleaders, facing my locker without a thought, i was left alone here, with my hands clutching the towel i had been using to wipe my sweat, it was quiet and i hate it. i sighed heavily, my eyes closing due to tiredness.

"getting more tired won't fix my problem." i muttered to myself, as if like giving a lesson to myself; i thought cheerleading was the solution, i thought smiling in front of everyone was the solution, as if faking everything will be okay.

i looked down, sighing again, before putting my towel in my locker and get change in my uniform.

the school was over, not surprised but it was okay, at least i'll get myself a alone time for myself, to think, not in the rooftop, i'm sure there might be a person there too, i'll just end up wasting my saliva almost for nothing at all.

i made my way to the girls' restroom, remembering the crappy shit i've experienced here, not to mention, i've been wondering where the braided girl in mint cardigan go, she disappeared just like that after the incident.

"i still do remember her face." i mumbled as i face the large mirror in front me, my hands on the sink.

i can see my old self in the mirror, how messed up i am, how baggy my eyes were, how miserable i look, and my puffy eyes getting redder and redder for all the crying, i never looked different from today.

and even if i change my name and identity, the memories will still freaking hunt me to death, even in my grave. my lips quiver as cold air made me feel shiver in my spine, my eyes feeling watery.

then out of nowhere, i heard shuffling from one of the stalls; which i supposed was in the third stall that was closed lightly, i wiped my tears with my peach cardigan and walked closely to the third stall.

only for me to hear a clear sound of someone vomitting.

i peeked at the stall, to see a slight short girl with long hair vomitting at the toilet, she stopped for a moment, breathing heavily for bit, i took my courage and maybe ask her about it.

"hey, do you wanna go to the infirmary, i think you're not feeling great." i stated, my voice shaking a bit in anxiety.

"no thanks!" the girl answered back, and i heard shuffling, which i thought she was getting up.

she got out of the stall with a mouthwash in her hand, not caring about it as she continued using the mouthwash.

"senior kwon?" i muttered out, out of shock, i never knew senior kwon, the almighty student model of our school was also suffering.

"yeah." she muttered, wiping her lips with the tissure near the sink.

"you should go see a doctor in this case, you can't let it---" and before i finish my sentence, she broke down crying, falling on her knees sadly.

"i feel shit! all of this vomitting was my fault! it was my fault! i desperately wanted to be a model student that i vomit what i eat just to stay in shape! i- i- got addicted to it! i don't how to stop! i hate it, i hate myself for it!" senior kwon yelled, as droplets of tears fall out of her eyes.

this feeling in my stomach, the scene in front of me, was sickening and sad,

i hate it.

"senior kwon, please don't give up, i swear there is a way to get out of this habit and addiction! i'll help you see a doctor! i swear you don't have to push yourself and be whatever people wants you to be! please, don't do this for the sake of people's judgement and how they'll look at you, your a model student, if anyone found out about this they might spill this," i pause, seeing her nod.

"this is bulimia we are talking about, this never gets old! it's a mental illness! if you're scared about what people might tell you, or even if they bring you down to the lowest part of the chain in our school, there is your family who cares. do they even know this?" i was running out of breath, yet i wanted to continue.

"no they don't." senior kwon muttered, looking down.

"see? if you tell this to then they might understand and help you!" she looked at me, before smiling sadly.

she got up and wiped her tears.

"i'm feeling okay, thanks for the concern." then she disappeared.

and the only thing i could call myself is hypocrite.

now she's gone too.