~Reddie ~ one-shots

9~ Panic

credit to the artist. this photo was found on google and I can't read the artist's tag. It's very well done though! (if someone would like to reverse image search and comment the artist, I'd be happy to credit them!)

Disclaimer: Anxiety is different for everyone. For Richie, I am relating past anxious experiences to this. Also, panic attacks happen in this story. They are not a joke and should be taken seriously. If you are sensitive to these things, (talk about having a panic attack, paranoia, etc.) please skip this chapter. :)

age: 16-17

+++ means time skip for time purposes

Now! Onto the story! 

~~

Richie never really kept things to himself, except for one thing.  His anxiety.  He never wanted to share it for fear that people would treat him differently.  The only person who knew about it was his boyfriend, Eddie.  When he had anxiety, he usually was very good at hiding it.  Until the Losers went to the amusement park.  

"Why can't we just go to a movie?" Richie had whined.  He really didn't want to go to the amusement park but he had promised Eddie, who was an adrenaline-junkie and would want to go on the new tallest rollercoaster in the park, that he would ride Fear Factor.  

"Because! Fear Factor just opened today and we really wanna ride it!" Bev had exclaimed from the front seat.  She was holding hands with Ben across the armrest, as an old married couple would do.

Fear Factor was a rollercoaster that Richie has despised since ever hearing about it.  It included a 50-foot free-falling drop on the last hill and Richie had a very big fear of falling.   

It had all started in kindergarten when he had been on the play structure during recess.  He had been climbing on the platform before everyone's favorite slide.  Richie had been pushed off by a kid in first grade, Henry Bowers, and would never forget how it had felt to fall like that.  It had to be 10 feet in the air.  He remembered distinctly hearing a crunch of his arm landing under him and the screams of all his little classmates.  He never went up to the structure again.  

When they pulled into the amusement park, they could see that the line was winding through the park.  Richie's heart raced as Ben pulled into what seemed like the last parking spot in the lot.  Eddie, who was sitting next to him, squeezed his hand for comfort and pecked Richie on the cheek.  He had sensed his uneasiness that Richie tried to hide.  Eddie just knew him too well. 

+++

The group of seven had paid for their tickets and were making their way over to the line while Richie was trying his best to sidetrack everyone.  He would shout out random rides with no lines or how there was a discount on Banshee T-shirts.  They were now in line for the ride.  Richie could feel his anxiety starting to show signs.  His palms were sweating and his head was pounding.  He felt off-balance and that everything was wrong.  As if someone had come through and shifted everything a few inches to the left.  

"We have at least 3 more hours in line.  If someone will save my spot, I can go get some waters and snacks." Mike said, jogging away from the line.  Bev put her foot in his spot and continued her conversation with Stan.  Richie overheard something along the lines of, 'beautiful' and 'Bill would love it.'

Mike eventually got back and Eddie and Richie munched on the popcorn and talked more with the losers.  They were at about fifteen more minutes of wait time and Richie could feel his anxiety growing.  Not wanting to inconvenience himself,  he excused himself to the bathroom.  

Once in the bathroom, he started some breathing exercises that his therapist had recommended to him.  After a while, it started to calm his breathing and he tried to convince himself that he was ready.  As long as the seat was buckled, the car was secured, he didn't fall out at the top of the hill and fall down thousands of feet, killing him instantly...  Richie wasn't ready and now he had just made it worse.  He walked back to the line and integrated himself back into the group to distract himself from his own paranoia.