My Dad Is A Criminal( Fan Fiction of the Blacklist )(Rewritten)

Scars

I look at him trying to decide to tell him my dark past.

I decide no.
I not going to tell him.

My past should not concern him, even if he is my dad.

I want to figure out what he knows.
"Is my past important to you?"

I say cold with little emotion.
I walk up to him.
We are a few feet apart.

"You are very important to me."
He says in his deep low voice.
I felt butterflies when he said that.

Those words are so new to me.

"What do you know?" I say trying to ignore the feelings that are surfing threw me.

He takes his hat and coat and hangs them on the chair.

He stands there In his white button-down shirt and his blue button-down vest. Something he always wears.
"Nothing. I know nothing of your past."

Is he lying to me?

"Why do you what to know?"
He stepped closer and put his hands on my upper arms.

"I want to know how much pain I put you through. With me being there to... be your father. "

This was something I didn't expect. Does he really feel that bad? He couldn't have known.

He thought that I was dead. I know this now.
For a long time, I had so much anger towards him.
I hated him because he left me.
I still have questions, but in the folder that I had gotten not even three days ago had my death report.

It was me dead.

Everyone thought I was dead.
"No," I say looking up at him.
"You don't need to know the pain I have been thrown. You don't need to see my scars." 

He doesn't seem surprised that I denied him the access to my deep dark memories.
But he is surprised for me to say that I have scars. Everyone has scars. From someplace, somewhere. Some you can't see and some that you can. They never go away no matter how hard you try.
I want for him to know me so bad.
This past that I have is a part of me. But I can't tell him all at once.
I'm not ready for that, and I don't think he is either.