I surrender | Short story (mxm) COMPLETED

Bruises

With Theo out of town, I had plenty of time to think. Too much time. When you and your lover are 14 years apart, some crazy things can pop up in your head. I'm the older one. I constantly feel as if I'll be the one left behind.

When Theo hits his thirties, I'll be nearing my fifties. From that point on, the age difference will only look worse and worse.

Career-wise, he'll never be able to tell people we're dating. I'll always be 14 steps ahead. Sometimes I hoped he'll surpass me. Then people couldn't think bad of him. Theo didn't deserve to be seen as a person that fucks for success.

I kept wondering how long we can keep this a secret.The answer came pretty soon. 

I met Alan for lunch. Mary was with him. Everything started with a normal small talk. Soon we discussed first world problems.

Alan went to the toilet, leaving Mary and me alone.

-What are your plans with Theo?- she asked, taking a sip of white wine.

-I don't have any. He's just my intern.- I replied, assuming we're talking about his career.

Mary didn't know about us.

-That's not what I'm talking about. He's too young and you know it.-

I almost spilled my wine. She knows?

-How the fuck...?-

Mary didn't let me finish.

-It's obvious. I knew he liked you. But one day, I walked into a damn hospital and found you floating on clouds. I thought to myself this motherfucker is high. I was right. You were high but on love. Tell me what are you doing with a 14 years younger intern, Harrison?-

At this point, she was angry.

-Look, Mary, I respect you and I see where you're coming from but this is my private life.-

-Don't private life me. I don't want to listen to that. Open your eyes. That kid is bearing too much because you can control you dick.-

-What the fuck are you talking about?-

-Are you blind? People suspect there is something going on between you and they already whisper behind poor kid's back. He knows it. He's aware. Probably because he's not dumb. More so because that blonde bitch Sandra called him your boy toy. In front of patients and other doctors, Harrison!-

I think at that moment everything stopped. I couldn't breathe. I left 100$ on the table and ran outside. It was a cold night. I walked a few blocks before sitting on some bench.

How could I be so blind? He's too young, of course, he is. By the time he was born, I had already lost my virginity.

The weekend turned into wait for Theo to come back home. My fears threatened to eat me alive.

I swear, as soon and I saw him at the airport some invisible hand let go of my heart. 

Monday came along and I didn't want to go to work. Theo easily noticed that something is wrong.

-It's just a stomachache.- I lied.

-Maybe you should stay at home.- he said and sat next to me.

His eyes were so worried. I pulled him onto my lap. We spent the weekend separated, just two days, but I missed him. Is it healthy to love someone this much?

That day at work I opened my eyes as Mary commanded. Usually, I would let Theo go and do whatever he's interested in. Sometimes I would help if I'm not too busy myself. I spent that whole day just being his mentor.

Mary was right.

This relationship is not good for Theo and never will be.

So I told him that night everything I was afraid to say out loud. The reason why I run out of that restaurant, the reason why I didn't leave home for the weekend, why I cried before going to pick him up at the airport and why I had a stomachache that morning.

We had to break up.

His eyes opened wide as I said it. Theo's' lips trembled and he whispered no. I put my head into my hands and asked him not to make it harder. He got up and tried to hug me. I raised my hands, keeping him away. If he touches me, I'll give up on this immediately.

-You have a whole life ahead of you. Theo, you don't need an old man. I'm just getting older, I can't wait for you.-

-I don't care!- he yelled.

It surprised me.

-Don't be childish. You know this can't work. We tried...-

Theo started crying.

-If you wanted me to leave you could've told me. But no, you have to come up with some fucked up excuse.-

Theo packed his things and left. I asked where but he refused to tell me. I stood in the hall as he slammed the door. The silence was already killing me.

He probably thought I don't love him anymore and that I'm just making shitty excuses. I'll leave it like that.

I saw him at work. We talked but it was obviously forced. Not that anyone else noticed it. I never thought Theo would be that good at lying.

Break up ended up playing in his favor. I was so pissed off at everyone in that hospital that people avoided mentioning me, completely. Theo was finally left alone. By me and by everyone else.

A few weeks later, Theo's internship was over. I left the hospital after that. 

Note: When you write something you have to put yourself into someone else's shoes. You see what they see and you feel what they feel. Everything my characters ever felt, I felt it as well. 

"...I've been told, I've been told to get you off my mindBut I hope I never lose the bruises that you left behindOh my lord, oh my lord, I need you by my side
There must be something in the water'Cause every day it's getting colderAnd if only I could hold yaYou'd keep my head from going under..."