I surrender | Short story (mxm) COMPLETED

You will always be my heart's desire

I would like to say that I woke up but it would be a lie. You can't wake up if you didn't sleep at all. It was early morning. Sun was up so were birds. Their chatter annoyed me. What didn't these years?

I got up and made myself some coffee. I drank it with my morning cigarette and headed out. I walked around the block, and then I went to the nearby store. I bought a new pack of cigarettes. Somehow, my feet lead me to the hospital I used to work at. Then I just kept wandering around for hours. 

Finally, I stopped in front of that building. My old apartment was there. A girl with a dog walked out and I held the door. Since it was open, I decided to take that chance. I took an elevator and ended up standing in front of a very familiar door.

I sighted. This is crazy. I can't even walk in the apartment.

As I was staring at the door, someone opened it.

My jaw dropped.

Theo.

Say something. What should I say?

-You live here?- I blurted.

Obviously he does. The man was in his pajama. Very smart, Harrison.

-Yeah.- he said.

Theo walked past me and closed the window in the hallway. That thing kept braking and making noises. It woke me up so many times.

-Do you want to get in?- he asked.

-Yes.-

It wasn't too hard to answer that question.

We walked in and I took my coat off. Theo lead me to the kitchen.

-Coffee?- he offered.

I nodded. He poured it into two cups and sat across the small, round table. I placed my hands around a white cup feeling the warmth and looked around. Nothing changed. It smelled like home, it looked like home, it was home.

-It looks the same doesn't it?- Theo smiled.

-Yeah.- I replied.

Same old combination of light brown and dark blue. Big windows that let in a lot of light. Even the black and white pictures on the wall. I left all of it there when I moved out.

-When did you move in?- I asked.

-After you left. I contacted the landlord and told him that I'll be the only one paying the bills.-

I noticed the anger in his voice. He had every right to feel so. I took a sip of coffee. Strong black without sugar. Exactly how I like it.

-What's Europe like?-

-Like you jumped into a painting and traveled back in time.-

Theo smiled.

-Do you like it there?-

I wasn't sure what to say. The architecture was wonderful and people were right for me. But, I was lonely.

-I guess.-

I looked around myself feeling as if searching for something. Searching for what? Maybe a wristwatch I can't recognize. Or tie that Theo would never wear? Maybe a picture of a happy couple?

-Does he live here with you?-

I never had manners. It was hard to grow those when you get old.

I heard a microwave ping. Theo got up and took his sandwich out.

-No, he doesn't.- he finally said.

It made me happy. Also, I had an aneurysm. Theo has someone else. Well, of course, he has. That was the point, wasn't it? To live a happy, normal life. I looked at the white cup in my hands. I wanted to say I'm happy for him but it got stuck in my throat.

I mumbled my apology and got up. There is no way anyone can deal with this. My feelings were suffocating me. There was absolutely no air in that room.

-So you're just gonna walk away? Again? No, how are you, Theo? How's life going? I heard you're going to be a surgeon?-

I turned around to see him furious. Here the hell that came from?

-Why did you even come here?-

-I don't know. I didn't know you live here.-

-So, you didn't come to visit me?- he asked.

Theo sat down on the sofa and rubbed his face.

-You're the one that left. Bold of me to assume that you still care. It's been three years, right?-

-Theo, I had to do that.-

-No, not really.-

-Don't be childish.-

As soon as I finished my sentence a pillow hit me in the face.

-Don't call me childish. If I cared about their opinions I would do something about it!-

-Everything you worked for could have been overlooked simply because you dated me! They saw you as my toy, not as a fucking boyfriend!

-I didn't care!-

He stood there in front of me, trembling in anger.

-I loved you.- I said, my voice now toned down. –There is no way I could ever sleep peacefully knowing your life got fucked up because of me.-

-You loved me?- he snorted.

Even though he was smiling, tears rolled down his face. I pulled him into a hug, caressing his hair and feeling like the world biggest moron.

Theo raised his head to look at me, green eyes still teary, nose and ears red from all that rage. He slowly pulled me down and kissed me, slowly and sensually. Theo's lips were soft and warm like always. His hands comforting, wrapped around my back. I melted into a kiss.

For three years I felt as I was sleeping underwater. But at that moment everything was crystal clear.

-I missed you so much.- I whispered after our lips parted.

Theo led me to our bedroom. I made a mess of him for hours and I kept hearing the same words drop from his mouth. More.

Things will never change. I'll always belong to him.

As I laid next to him and stared at his profile I wondered if we could go back to how it used to be. At that moment, Theo took a deep breath and closed his eyes. I watched his eyelids twitch.

-I still love you.- he whispered.

Just like that, all of my worries went away. I moved closer to him.

-I still love you too.- I smiled.

Theo turned to me.

-I understand why you did it. Why you left I mean. I was just hurt. But, can we simply forget about it? And try again?- he proposed.

I felt my lips stretching into a smile.

I was home, in my bed with Theo next to me. Will I leave beautiful Europe and come back to this bad drawing? Absolutely.

-Yes. God, yes!- I laughed.

Later that day I heard him talking on the phone with someone. Theo went out and came back after two hours. I didn't ask what happened. He broke up with that guy. 

Author note: So I stumbled upon this guy on youtube and I swear his lyrics is everything. I'm in love!

"...Lay your bare chest on mine,

and feel the beat of our hearts collide.Place your palm over mine,and as the sun rise you will find.When the last leaf drops in wintertimeand the best of your dreams cannot grow,I'll wrap you in my gentle arms and squeeze you tight.When the breeze of the cold kiss the freckles on your noseI'll keep you dry..."