First Order Adventure- a Hux X Reader fic

Chapter 39- Hope for Darkness Itself

            The First Order was hot on the tail of The Resistance—all thanks to General Hux's brilliant tracking skills—and it was only a matter of time before the Resistance would rum out of fuel and be forced to surrender them.
            Then, The First Order would rule the galaxy once and for all.
            Within their ranks, sweet victory felt so close it was almost palpable. Everyone was working overtime to ensure that all would go according to plan.
And so far, it seemed like it was going to.
           

                                    ————
                  
            Kylo Ren and Hux hadn't spoken since the forest. Hux assumed it was out of shame, or embarrassment about the fact that Kylo had kissed him again- Ren had always been quite nuclear when it came to expressing his feelings, as any officer would know first hand.
            Or perhaps,  Kylo Ren was just reckoning with the fact that he had just murdered his own father in cold blood.
            It was a feeling Armitage Hux understood intimately. 
            What Hux didn't understand, was how quickly Kylo had returned to his usual sneers and scoffs—which he returned, naturally. It was almost as if the two of them hadn't even kissed at all, and Kylo had a strange, distant expression that Hux couldn't begin to place the source of. Then again, he hadn't really had the time to think about it, what with the rebel fleet situation.
            But then of course, there was the fact that Kylo hadn't been on top of Hux's orders during the most recent attack, and he had a sneaking suspicion it had something to do with facing his mother, the Princess-General Leia Organa.
Was Kylo Ren being pulled towards the light? Hux pondered. There was no way to know for sure—Hux knew very little about the mysterious ways of the force. But he couldn't help but wonder...
            But only for a moment.
            Hux couldn't spend any more time speculating— because for the first time in days, he ran into Kylo in the halls.
            "General," Kylo said darkly, "aren't you supposed to be at your post?"
            Hux rolled his eyes.
            "I shall have you know that I am on a break." He replied.
             "Hmm. So you are." Said Ren, "I didn't think they gave you those."
            "Is there something you wish to tell me, Ren?" Hux spat, dying to get to the point.
            Kylo raised his brow.
            "What would I want to tell you?" He said, "We aren't friends."
            Unbelievable.
            "No, I suppose we are not," said Hux, his voice quieting "But I question you Ren...If "friends" is not the correct term, what exactly would you consider us, then? After everything you did? After the woods...?"
            "I don't know what you're talking about, Hux."
            "I do not need you gaslighting me, Ren! Tell me: What. Are. We? Enemies? Adversaries? An illicit workplace romance?"
            "Shut up."
            "Am I your little experiment, Ren? Just wanting to see what it would be like? Because I will have you know that-"
            "Shh! I said, shut up!"
            It was then clear that Kylo was no longer paying attention to Hux, but gazing at something in the space behind him. When Hux glanced over his shoulder, however, he saw nothing.
            "Ren, what are you looking at?"
            Without a word, Kylo pushed Hux away, and ran in the direction of the invisible whatever-it-was that was distracting him, until he'd turned into a separate corridor entirely.
            "This conversation," Hux yelled after him, "Is NOT over!!! Do you hear me?"
            But Kylo was gone.

                                     ————

            Being ignored by Kylo Ren felt bad.
            Hux of course, didn't realize just how bad it would feel until it happened. But now that it had, it was like a faulty blaster gun constantly going off and shocking him—not deadly, but after awhile, it began to sting.
            To be completely honest, Hux wasn't even sure how he felt about Kylo himself. His emotions certainly weren't those of a classic romance, but something far darker. Hux didn't love Kylo. It fact, he rather hated him. But still, there was something about him that made Hux unable to resist his charm. And it was that same dark magnetism that had Hux feeling more frustrated than ever.
            And then there was [y/n].
            He tried not to think about [y/n], as he wouldn't know how he'd react if he allowed himself to process her absence. If he allowed himself to really consider the fact that she could be dead...
            But, though it pained Hux to admit it, he really missed her. He missed the long nights slaving over maps, and just talking. He missed the way she laughed, and the way she made him feel like maybe, just maybe, there was hope in the galaxy.
            Hope within in The First Order.
            Hope in the darkness.
            The Resistance was fueled by hope, and for years, Hux had considered it almost a dirty word. The First Order had always sought to obliterate hope, but when [y/n] was around, Hux got this strange feeling that hope and destruction could exist as one, within it.
            That there was hope for darkness itself— and that, Hux thought, was beautiful.
           With Kylo, Hux realized, there was only a darkness that came with burden. Nights upon nights without sleep, decimated control pads from Ren's temper tantrums, spitting insults, competition for power, and a general feeling of constant tension and gloom.
            The passion that he and Kylo shared seemed to emerge directly from that evil— but with [y/n], Hux was able to find a sort of joy in what he did that went beyond sadism. With [y/n], Hux could see a bright future.
            But now, [y/n] was gone. So he tried his very best not to think about what could have been.
            He tried to tell himself that, dead or alive, he would never see her again, and that was fine.
            Because the only weapon more deadly than hope, was false hope.
            And Hux was not about to be shot down by false hope, or anything like it.
            Not today.
            Not ever.
            Hux had one job, and that was to be the best General he could be, and win this war.
            And that was what he was going to do.