emotions

im bad man (draft from dec.)

ahh i think i just messed up.
i shouldn't just kept putting it down.
not shown it until later.
all the plans are now up in the air.
zoo lights, presents, wisdom teeth, the new year.
i just need a small break
before i blow.
i understand it's hard for you
to fully understand and know.
this is how i deal with things,
things that can hurt you.
i want to keep you safe
for the both of us.
my thoughts can be dark.
darker than any black or blue.
darker than you could imagine.
i stopped having those thought about 6 months ago.
but now, they care back.
and i hope they don't show.
i need to be perfect,
i need to be pretty.
i can't show my struggles,
or my mother will hit me.
if you really want to know,
give me some time
to accept what i almost did last night.
I will tell you on monday,
if we are still set.
i don't want me to be the reason we are ended.
i know in the end i probably will be,
because i am a horrible person and i'll never be pretty.
please just talk me,
i didn't mean to make you mad,
i want to know i still have you,
even though I just made everything bad.
i always seem to do this,
maybe i'm bad.
that's it.
i'm bad.