𝗮𝗯𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗻𝗼𝘄 ━━━━ roman kemp

━━━━ fifteen

━━ IN THE BUSH TELEGRAPH ━━

"Do I miss James? Of course I do. It's unnaturally quiet down in camp today and I know it's because we're all still reeling from his departure." Mathilda heaves a sigh but immediately regrets it when her head pounds. "Although, peace is something I'm okay with right now - I definitely had a few too many drinks last night. It feels like a builder has taken up permanent residence in my head and he isn't afraid to start hammering the paintings on the walls."

━━ IN THE MAIN CAMP ━━

"Sad, terribly sad," Caitlyn summarises.

"He was kind of the rock of the camp," Kate agrees, forlorn and resigned.

Mathilda opens her mouth to add in her own comment but it is effectively cut off when Jacqueline makes her way over to Roman and they all realise that he's crying, shirt pulled over his head to hide his face. She doesn't hesitate to sit on the other side of him, pulling him into an embrace and placing a soft kiss against his unruly hair.

"He was just who I spoke to, like, when I thought really, like..." Roman trails off, hiccuping sobs still escaping from his lips like strangled sounds that make Mathilda's own eyes water.

"Low?" Kate finishes for him as he nods.

He wipes furiously at his eyes, likely embarrassed by his open display of emotion. While Roman may wear his heart on his sleeve, it is obvious that he isn't fond of showing weakness, particularly in this sense. Mathilda knows a thing or two about that.

"I feel like I don't have that person."

Mathilda understands that perfectly well - it's the same bond that she has with Jacqueline, Nadine and Myles. She adores all of her fellow celebrities, but it is inevitable that you form more special bonds with some of them, so she is completely sympathetic to Roman's plight.

"We can all be that person," soothes Kate who clearly wants nothing more than to cheer up the usually overwhelmingly positive young man.

Roman nods. "I know, but it's just like... do you know what I mean?" Despite the nonsensical wording of his thoughts, they all understand perfectly well what he is talking about.

"I know, I know," Kate says.

Mathilda lets him pull away from her grasp, stretching and trying to contain his emotions a little more. His eyes are wet and red-rimmed and he looks so unbelievably childlike that it makes Mathilda's heart physically ache.

Roman looks like Darcy in that moment more so than he ever has before and her head swims.

"It sucks," he deadpans and there are murmured agreements as Mathilda stands and excuses herself from the crowd. She is suddenly in desperate need of air and it doesn't feel like there's enough to share with the group of people crowding around.

"Are you okay, Tilly?" Nadine questions, expression clouded in concern. Mathilda nods sharply and all but sprints away until she is sitting in the same spot that she and Roman had shared their first jungle kiss at, just out of sight of the prying cameras. A few stray tears fall down her cheeks but she hastens to wipe them away.

Her knees are drawn up to her chest with her arms wrapped loosely around them and her forehead resting upon her forearms. She can breathe with relative ease again but the lingering pain in her heart means that she cannot deem herself to be okay yet; maybe she never will be until Roman finally learns the truth of what happened after their shared night of passion almost four years before.

It takes a moment to register that there is another body sitting beside hers, and when Mathilda finally looks up she sees a hesitant Jacqueline. "Do you want to talk about it?"