HIM .. Joe Goldberg

HER

I THINK OF YOU AS I TOUCH MYSELF, though I get a phone call before I have the chance to come. I already know that it's my mother, she has been routienly calling me ever since my sister died. She enjoys the company, little does she know she's being a bother. I calm myself, evening my breathing, and try to sound normal as I answer the phone on the last ring. "Hey, mommy."

"Hi, sweetheart! How are you?" She's always so happy, even though most of the time it's forced. You'd like her, Joe. Although I can't imagine she'd ever like you. It has nothing to do with your personality, just your actions. She doesn't realize that we all make mistakes.

"I'm good, mommy." Just thinking of the most gorgeous man in the world, imaging that his fingers were inside of me instead of my own. "I'm just getting ready to work the late shift. How about you?"

"I'm doing good! Linda says I've made excellent progress, she recommends I start buying crystals. Have you heard of their healing property? It's pretty shocking, Britannia, how much they do for your mental health!"

She wasn't always like this, Joe. It only happened after my sister died, she became desperate for resolution. Solace. The best way for someone to lose their sanity is to lose a child. That's why we're never going to have children, I never want to get this vulnerable.

Linda is an evil woman who prays on the ignorant depression of others. She's a new-age therapist, suggesting magic and crystals and potions to heal irreparable damage. My mom's too hopeless to realize she's being scammed, and I'm too soft to tell her the truth. Maybe you could?

"That's great, mommy. I'm happy for you. So you had a good day?"

"Excellent! Rose Quartz is an amazing gift from God."

God. Do you believe in God, Joe? I do, but He's not the one everyone else worships.

"I'll have to look it up. I love you, mommy. I have to go now, I'm already running late. Can we maybe get lunch tomorrow?"

"Sure, sweetie! Also, I wanted to ask, how's that social group going for you? Have you talked about a lot of literature?"

I smile. "Yeah, mommy. I've really clicked with them."

"Good! I'm so happy you've found people to bond with. You know, I was worried about you for a little, but I'm so glad you've finally come out of your shell."

"Me too, mommy. I'll be sure to tell you all about it tomorrow, okay?"

"Okay, okay! I know my baby is busy, just remember what I said about Rose Quartz."

"I will."

"Oh! And tell Joe I said hi!"

"I will. Bye, mommy. Love you."'

She knows about you. Of course she does. You're the most important thing in my life.

"Love you too, honey. Give an extra prayer for her tonight?"

"Always. Goodnight, mommy."

"Goodnight."

Finally, she hangs up. My mom has always loved to talk, but after my sister died it only intensified the urge. She finds it impossible to be alone with herself, like she was the one who held her under the ocean water those few years ago.

Oh, Joe. Why did you do it? I know you didn't mean to, you'd never mean to do something so awful, but nonetheless why? Will I ever be able to get an answer?

I don't have work to night, despite what I told my mother. A few of the girls are coming over instead. They're bringing whiskey and blood. They're excited to hear the good news.

Meanwhile, I finish what I started, your beautiful imagine focused on my mind's eye. By the time the girls come knocking on my apartment door, I had came twice.