a text never sent

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so here it goes... i'm sorry that i fucked shit up between us. i just want you to know that i'm really sorry ya know?? i didn't want to fuck it up, i wanted it to go good and happy and shit but i just ya know? and i know i'm not the greatest friend ever. not even close. but i'm trying, and i need you to know that i'm trying because it feels like you don't know that i am. i just i'm a distant friend to anyone and everyone. i'm not used to having constant people in my life who wanna stay for the long run. i'm that one kid who switches friend groups a lot but not because i want to and have a lot of friends, but like everyone leaves me. but i don't want this to be my sob story ya know cuz that's kinda lame. i just want you to know i'm trying even though the effort seems minimal. i just am kinda rusty at this whole permanent friend thing.
and dude, you are like my one of my best friends not to put any pressure on you haha. but like i know you always got my back. but that's not even the point haha. i just want you to know that i also always got your back (which again it may not always seem like it because i'm a shitty friend).
so to sum this up, i'm sorry. like genuinely and no matter how many times you say it's okay, i will apologize 263936 times more because that's how awful i feel about the situation.
and honestly, i'm just fucking scared. i'm scared to let myself be vulnerable... to rely on someone... to have to depend on someone else. i just really don't want to hurt you

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