read this if. . . | takigawa chris yu

if you want an explanation

Shino,

first of all, i am so sorry. you will never know how sorry i am.

i started writing these letters because we would be graduating soon and i wanted you to know that no matter where we end up going, i would always be there, in person or through letters. but, when i got half way through the fourth letter, i got a call from my doctor. it was about my recent tests and it wasn't any good.

i have brain cancer, Shino. they told me i had a year to live, unless i get this super expensive surgery to remove it. so, i picked up the pace with the letters. i'm writing as much as i can but between school and doctors appointments and spending real time with you and the team and my dad, i haven't had much time.

i know you're going to be mad at me. i know i need to tell you soon. and as i write this you have no idea of my diagnosis. i know i won't be able to tell you without crying and i'm afraid to see your face when i do tell you.

attached to the back of this letter will be another one, just as one about after i tell you.

i just want you to know that whatever happens, happens. i'm to blame for not telling you earlier. please do not blame anyone but me for not telling you. and as of right now, no one but my dad and the coach knows. i'm planning on telling the team, at least the people i spend the most time with, after i tell you.

i know i shouldn't have left it this long, but this is scary, you know? one second i'm in for a routine check up and the next the doctors are telling me about this 1.5 million yen surgery for a brain tumor. my father can't pay that, Shino. as much as he insists, i won't let him. that's too much money to be spent on me.

so, i don't actually know what to do. i pray that you aren't too mad at me. i hope to spend the next several months with you. as much time as you want. i'll be there.

and even after i'm gone, i'll still be with you. always.

forever yours,
t. chris

okay guys. this took an expected turn but ya know. i do love surprises. although im not sure how much i like this one. not gonna lie i did not know how this book was going to end until yesterday.

i'm actually a little hesitant to post this just cause of whats happening but im just gonna hit publish before i decide i hate it and rewrite it cause i dont want to do that.

see you soon!