𝐆𝐎𝐎𝐃 𝐌𝐎𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆, 𝐒𝐔𝐍𝐒𝐇𝐈𝐍𝐄 , suchen

08: Opening Up

"Suho hyung, what's happening to you? I know you're not okay so please just tell me what's the matter. You really make me worried... Please speak up already. It hurts seeing you in this state." Chen meant every word he'd said.

Suho closed the door to his house and looked at the younger with empty eyes. Though, he couldn't mask his true emotions for too long when it comes to his best friend. He was a little overwhelmed to be honest— overwhelmed because finally, someone had the guts to care for him and find out what's the real situation at the time he tried hiding what's real. He suddenly bursts out crying in Chen's arms.

The latter had known Suho quite much despite the small time they had with each other. The internet was a big lie, indeed. Since he's busy with his own work, he barely manages his time and schedule, making no room for meeting up with Suho anymore. But through the help of the internet, they still manage to talk with each other. Even with the very little time Chen has, he spends them all by calling his hyung until sunrise. He even requested a meet up since he's literally missing his hyung already, but Suho declined that. He declined all recent invitations from his friends. Frankly, this left Chen confused and also a little upset, and he felt like getting to the bottom of this.

Of course he asked his hyung if he was okay. It was a confusing answer since Chen knows that something's up with him, but what could that be? He says that if only he knew, things would get easier. He tried and tried, and it continued for a week. Though trying was tiring, he never gave up. He won't give up on his hyung. He wants to know if he's really okay or not, because that's what friends do, right?

Suho knew he was lying not only to his friends, but to himself. He uses the internet as a bridge to lie for what he thinks is for the best. He says that everything's completely alright, when the truth is, he's slowly falling apart again. When it comes to being dramatic, he hates it. He feels like it's a need for him to assure his friends so  they don't need to worry about him, because if they do, Suho will tell them that he's a burden. Due to trust issues, even with his friends, he's afraid to get all 'dramatic' and say the truth for the fear of being laughed at.

Chen himself is just glad that he never gave up on him. The last thing he wants to do is leave his friends, that includes Suho, in a sad state and not do anything about it. He told himself to never trust anything on the internet. One could tell that they're alright, but then the next moment you'll find them scattered all over the news. One could be silent, but in reality, they're in agony. Meanwhile, others can be of the opposite. They're very depressed on the internet, however, they're all smiling and complaining about even the littlest things in reality.

"Hyung... I'm here. Don't be scared to open up, okay? I may not be useful since I can't give you good advices, but I'm all ears." Chen wraps his arms around Suho, pulling him to himself, rubbing his back in circles. All that he can hear at the moment was Suho's uncontrollable sob, and the loud thumping of his own heart.

It takes a moment for Suho to stop crying. He doesn't usually shows this weak side of his to anybody, but perhaps Chen is an exceptional. He was also feeling too shy or embarrassed to be saying what causes him to be in this state.

"Come on hyung, don't keep it to yourself. Don't you know that it's bad?" Chen's caring stare was all it took for Suho to finally let out his thoughts.

"I'm just too sad, too empty? Whatever the case is, I'm still miserable. Do you know that feeling? When even a small part of your past comes back to you, it leaves you broken. But when a big part of your past comes back, it hits you like it's the Earth itself."

Chen was left speechless— after all, he doesn't relate much to what his hyung was saying. Even if the past comes back to him, he'd get happy rather than sad. His past lover and him had a proper closure, and her getting out of his life is one thing he's thankful for. However, that doesn't seem like the case for Suho's situation.

"I guess I'm being overly dramatic when I say this, but it hurts like hell. I didn't have a good past, and he and I never had a proper closure. Maybe that's what's hurting me the most. Maybe I still love him. Maybe, whatever the case is. My heart just aches and I can't stop thinking about it. He's about to get married some weeks from now."

Chen's eyes widened as Suho hugged him even more, but that's not why he's so shocked— he was shocked at what his hyung had said. It reminds him of someone, but he can't quite get his tongue on it.

"No hyung, you're not being dramatic. Maybe, maybe you're just traumatized by the past."

"Indeed I am." Suho sobs into the younger's chest. The latter gently caresses his hyung's hair and snuggled him in the gentlest way he could muster. To say the least, the younger was blushing and he knows exactly why. He's not so oblivious when it comes to his feelings.

"But you're more than hurt. You're already hurt by your past that's haunting you, then you also get hurt by the fact that you're keeping it all to yourself. I believe that you're strong, hyung. But keeping it all to yourself— man, no one's strong enough for that. We have to accept that each one of us has a weak spot, and we'll never be strong enough to keep it all to ourselves," He sighs, patting his hyung's back. "Promise me that starting from today, you'll never keep your problems to yourself. Tell them to me, hyung. I would hate to see you keeping it all to yourself. If you do that, I'll get mad."

Suho finally looks at him in the eye, and he cannot help but to smile. Somehow, Chen's words seemed to have lifted up the heaviness in his chest. The sadness dissipated and was instead replaced with a genuine feeling of happiness. He's happy because someone's there for him— someone he can lean his shoulders on.

"Would you mind telling me what really happened? What triggered these emotions? And, who's that jerk who left you in this state? I'd step on him." Chen snarled, making Suho giggle. The latter shook his head and said, "Don't call him a jerk, yah. Well, if you insist."

And with that, he began to tell what happened.

（Flashback.）
All alone walking on a dark alley that leads to a backstreet at dusk, mosquitoes were following every move Suho makes. It all started good since morning, so he least expects trouble to come. However, he bumped into the last person he wants to see along the way.

"Junmyeon?" Upon hearing the person saying his name, he bites his lip.

"U-uh, hello." He looks down, trying to avoid the intense gaze he was receiving from the person in front. However, that doesn't help things get better as they were already worse than he expected.

All of a sudden, and too sudden that he can't get his brain to process what was really happening, Suho gets pinned against the cold alley wall.

Fury grows in his eyes as he stares at him, before they share a short yet lustful kiss. It was full of lust, and only lust. There wasn't any trace of love or even longing in the kiss.

"S-Stop!"

Suho pushes him back, luckily succeeding before proceeding to run off, which wasn't as easy as he thought it would be as the man had caught him in his arms.

"Myeon, I—"

"You what? You're gonna cheat on Lingxi with me? The same thing you did when you cheated on me with her? Get away from me, Yixing."

"You know that's not true..."

"You hell— y-you bastard! You're going to get married in a few more weeks, and yet here you are, kissing your ex as if you're single. Please, don't hurt her like you hurt me... S-She's a nice girl. Just leave me alone, we are done already!"

"I just want to tell you something! Junmyeon, I..."

Words flicker away as they turned more and more vague while Suho dashed off from the alley, going straight to the backstreet he was supposed to go to minutes ago.

He drops into his knees before bursting into tears. His sob was the only thing that covered the deadly silence, yet he was heedless of getting anyone's attention.