𝘗𝘰𝘦𝘮𝘴. 𝘚𝘱𝘰𝘬𝘦𝘯 𝘗𝘰𝘦𝘵𝘳𝘺. 𝘘𝘶𝘰𝘵𝘦𝘴 || ✓||

A living Nightmare

"A living Nightmare"
(Not a poem)

You know when sometimes, you are mad, but can't get mad because you'll just cry it all out.
It hurts when you cry, and you cry silently. It's like you're in void, in some place dark and can't get out because you're stuck in a state and you might do something you'll regret.
Everyone thinks you're fine, but when will you really tell them, that you are not, you are not fine?
When will you tell them that you are tired?
When will you tell them that you are going to give up?
When will you tell that, that YOU ARE NOT OKAY?
Sometimes, I act like I am fine but no I'm not, I don't know why I do that instead of telling the truth, maybe I feel ignored and useless and not loved. Or maybe I didn't want and I don't want to be dependent.
It hurts when you have to cry all by yourself too. Like you think that you are alone, yet you are alone but you're not just alone, you are also lonely. It hurts knowing that people will never ever notice how you feel sometimes. It hurts missing people and they don't miss you. You get so mad.
You are mad, so mad, and you want to be mad but you can't, you'll be looking for a place to be mad, but instead of being mad, you'll end up crying.
You try to calm yourself, but still, it hurts like hell and it's a living nightmare.
Hell and Nightmare in one sentence, sounds about right.
Sometimes, you even just write to your diary just to keep the pain away, just to make the pain leave you alone and never return.
The most painful thing is that you are so happy, really happy like the happiest idiot in the world, then after that, you became the saddest person ever.
It's weird how people think that you are happy and never notices that you are sad.
Even me, what I do when I'm mad is that I cry in the bathroom or my bedroom.
I cry it all out and then just stop.
Sometimes, I'll just write in my diary and burst out of tears.
Sometimes too I think of happy thoughts, thatkeeps me away from thinking of suicide, though I wasn't really suicidal.
So for the people out there, it's a living nightmare, yup that is true, but just do some things that I do, or talk to someone, never take your life, it's precious, worth it and it can be beautiful. Life sucks, but life must go on.