I sighed softly and thought over my dreams, finding the best ones I could think of. "Taking you back to Leia, seeing your reunion and the happiness on her face" I explained weakly, a dry tear fell from my eye as I imagined Leia's wonderful face lighting up with happiness as she sees her very own son finally come home. I glanced down at Ben and smiled at him, a gesture he probably didn't receive very much. "She loves you so much" I mumbled, a tear falling from my eye. His eyes looked to the ground in shame, he knew what he had done, and here I am telling him his mother still loved him after all he's done.
"What else?" He asked quietly, the normal deepness of his voice had lifted, to sound more friendly and content. I leaned my head back and tried to think of my dreams, some were strangely intimate with Ben, as though we were friends and not enemies...but that sometimes we were more.
"Sometimes..." I breathed out, I looked down to Ben and saw the finest hint of admiration in his eyes. That hint of admiration gave me the courage to tell him the truth, of how I felt. My eyes glanced toward the floor as I explained my dreams.
"Sometimes, I dream of us...not ruling anything. Just a peaceful life as friends...sometimes less...," I looked directly in to his eyes and saw Ben Solo, "sometimes more" I finished. He let loose a breath he was holding and stared at me in shock. My eyes wandered across his face and body, just now realizing he wasn't wearing his ridiculous padding, he wearing simple clothes.
"Why...why would you?" He asked, there was no hint of hate or confusion in his voice, he was just simply asking a very difficult question.
"Because I have hope for you Ben...it may seem you like you've hit the bottom. But you haven't, I have faith you'll come home to Leia...to me"
Why did I say that? I wasn't meaning to say something as intimate as that but it slipped out!
did it slip out?
He stared off into nothing, obviously pondering over what I'd just said. "Rey h-hope for me, it's lost..." he stammered out, that didn't sound like he meant that. It felt forced...like he was masking his true words with ones he wanted the dark side to hear.
"No...it isn't, it has never been lost, only hidden behind closed doors you're too afraid to open" I said quietly, he glanced back at me and I could see tears welling in his dark eyes.
He shook his tired head and choked back tears, "She'd never accept me...not after what I've done" he mumbled, excitement filled me as he expressed his true feelings toward me. He was opening up. He still cared about his mother but feared not being allowed back home.
"Yes she would! Ben, she loves you, you're her son! Why do you think your father spoke to you on that dreadful day?" I asked, I knew Han was a gut wrenching topic for us both but he needed to hear it. "If not because he loved you, why would he?! Leia wants you home!" I expressed, I could see his body shaking.
His hands twitched as I spoke, I stopped what I was saying and moved closer to him ever so cautiously. I wearily reached my weak hand toward his shoulder, I took the risk and let my hand gently fall onto his body. He quickly looked at me and choked on his breath, stunned by the touch. I gave him a small smile and and rubbed my thumb on his stiff shoulder.
"She will always take you back" I said softly, I could see it in his eyes and sense it in his heart, he was relieved. His body leaned towards me but in a scared, cautious way. He didn't want to scare me and I didn't want to scare him either.
I took a deep, shaky breath and moved even closer to him. He stared into the ground, confused at my offer to comfort him in his time of need. The worst part about is all, is that I know how much he needs to be comforted. Ever since the fall of Luke's school, he's been tricked into thinking he was a monster, when really...he's just a broken man.
He stared into my eyes with the most scared yet pleading eyes I've ever seen from someone. I took a deep breath and put my hand on his bicep, the muscle underneath his shirt was unquestionable. He put his hand on top of mine and I breathed out a breath of relief.
"It's ok, you don't have to hide anymore" I whispered, he sighed a breath of relief and a single tear rolled down his cheek. He willingly fell into my arms, his head was on my shoulder as I wrapped my arms around him. His body trembled as I held him, I put my hand on the back of his head and rubbed comforting circles on his back as he cried into my shoulder.
We sat there in silence, the only noise being the sound of Ben's restless breathing as he finally broke down the wall holding him back.
My fingers were inside of his hair, lightly scratching his head as he cried. A tear rolled down my cheek but not of sadness, but joy.
He lightly pushed off of me and kept his face inches away from mine. I smiled and put my hand on the side of his face, he looked so happy yet terrified of what to do next.
"I know what I have to do...but I can't do it alone" he confessed, I smiled warmly and kept my eyes trained on his.
"Then don't...whatever you have to do, I can help...let me help you" I begged but he shook his head.
"I've done too much to you already" he argued but I just laughed lightly and ran my thumb along his cheekbone.
"Do you see who you're talking to?" I joked, I laughed and then he smiled...Ben smiled. "You are not alone, let me help you" I whispered, he put his hand over mine and intertwined his fingers within them. He lifted his hand to my face and a chill went done my back, but not fear, but something else, something warm and comforting.
