Desperation (Anxceit)/(Prinxiety)

Part 13

Warnings: swearing, regret, angst

      Deceit curled further into the warmth beside him. He felt safe. Secure. For once, he felt like everything was okay. He took a deep breath, a familiar comforting smell tickling his senses. He felt good. Healthy even. He wasn't sure why that was such a big deal at the moment.

      His eyes fluttered open and he lazily took in his surroundings. He was lying in his bed in his usual nighttime attire (buck naked) and was cuddled up with Virgil. Early sunlight streamed through the curtains, kissing the room with a soft golden glow. Dust motes floated gently in the light like tiny fairies. Deceit watched them, entranced by the beauty his room held. How had he not noticed it before? He closed his eyes again and buried his face in Virgil's bare shoulder.

      Wait. Virgil was here? Then it hit him. The past five years of torture and pining. Meeting Virgil again. Last night's activities. He instantly felt guilty. He had fought so hard, yet he couldn't control himself. He let his instincts take over and he had fucked everything up. He had betrayed both Virgil and Roman. All because he couldn't keep it in his pants. Well, some of it was Virgil's fault. Okay, most of it was Virgil's fault. But if he had just said no, then Virgil wouldn't have started it.

      Okay, he needed to stop blaming himself. He had tried his best, and his best wasn't enough. There was nothing he could do about it. His needs were growing, and he did what he had to in order to survive. If only Virgil knew that. But he couldn't. Virgil had already almost killed him by leaving. The power imbalance was too great for Virgil to know that it existed. He needed some form of security before all of the playing cards could be later on the field. He needed a way to survive if Virgil left again.

      For now, Deceit pushed the thoughts and worries away and simply allowed himself to be held by the strong arms of his lover. He could think about those things later. He looked at Virgil's sleeping face. His hair was ruffled and sticking up at odd places. His eyelashes dipped down and brushed his ever-present bags that for now weren't covered up with eyeshadow. He looked so relaxed like this. It was like there was not a single worry in the world. Deceit smiled fondly melted into him. He checked for any sign of awareness before pecking his lips. He sighed and closed his eyes. It was nice to be so close to his lover when he was in control of himself.

      Deceit rested his eyes and drifted between sleep and wakefulness. He knew the lazy prick wouldn't wake up for at least another hour, so he got as close as he could and enjoyed the skin on skin contact. He had forgotten how touch starved he was. As if he had heard his thoughts in his sleep, Virgil's arms wrapped securely around his waist. Deceit kissed the other's shoulder.

      Eventually Virgil began to stir awake and Deceit knew his time was ending. He slipped his eyes closed and feigned sleep. He heard a heavy but relaxed sigh and felt Virgil's breath fan across his face. His heart sped up as he awaited the inevitable. Sure enough, Virgil tensed and frantically shook him awake. Deceit didn't want to, but he pretended to wake up. He rubbed his eyes and muttered an irritated "what?" under his breath. He blinked his eyes open and saw that Virgil was sitting up and his iron colored eyes were wide with panic. Deceit sighed and pulled him back down onto the bed. Virgil crashed down onto his back and ran his hands through his dyed hair in frustration, tangling the strands.

      "What did we do?" Virgil groaned. Deceit calmly ran his fingers through the other's hair and shushed him quietly. Virgil turned to look at him with a frown. "How are you so calm about this? Roman's gonna kill us both!" Deceit paused briefly before continuing to run his fingers through purple strands.

      "Panicking won't do us much good right now, so please try to stay calm," he explained. Virgil gave him an unimpressed look.

      "You do realize who you're talking to, right?" It was more of a statement than a question. Deceit sighed, removing his hand from Virgil's hair to place it on his arm instead.