Desperation (Anxceit)/(Prinxiety)

Part 14

A/N: hey! I'm not dead yet! I'm incredibly sorry for missing so many updates, but I hope to catch up soon. Thank you for sticking with me for this long. I'm truely thankful.

Warnings: angst, vague mentions of sex

     Virgil paced in his room. His phone sat on the desk beside him, taunting him. What the fuck had he been thinking? He had a loving boyfriend, and he was selfish enough to cheat with his ex just because he couldn't keep it in his pants. What kind of person would do that? He should have controlled himself. But when he saw those fangs…. It was like a drug. Well, that was pretty much what it was. He even had to go to rehab for it when he and Deceit had broken up---a detail he didn't wish for the snake man to find out. He had researched it and found that it had the same positive effect that many other drugs had, but it had none of the negative side effects. It was almost too good to be true. He knew he had risked a relapse to his addiction (thankfully he hadn't fallen victim to it again) to it last night, but he hadn't been thinking about the consequences. And now they were coming back to bite him.

     He growled and tugged on his hair as he paced faster. It was almost like he was trying to pull his thoughts out of his head by his hair, but he knew that was impossible. What was he going to do? Did he tell Roman and risk it going poorly? Did he keep it from him and hope he didn't find out? …. Should he apologize to Deceit for blowing up at him? It was entirely his own fault, and he had placed blame on someone far less guilty than himself. He really was a poor excuse for a human being. He paused his pacing and stared down at his phone. He could feel it grinning at him, taunting him.

     Are you really going to try and fix this? You're just going to mess it up again.

     Virgil glared at it. He hated that it was right. He couldn't tell Roman and he couldn't apologize to Deceit. He couldn't risk it going terribly again. He knew that he shouldn't trust himself around Deceit, and he didn't even know what to say. He also knew that if he didn't say anything, then he and Deceit would just keep getting further and further apart. But that was good, wasn't it? He needed to let go of the past and look towards his future with Roman. Oh, god. What does he do about Roman? He just cheated on him. What do you say after that? What do you do? Would Roman be angry with him? Would he be disappointed? He didn't know what was worse. There was also the possibility that Roman would blame it all on Deceit. Would he try to kill the snake man? Virgil didn't think he could live with that on his conscience.

     Virgil bit his lip and continued pacing. He was overthinking again. Everything was going to be fine. He was just blowing it all out of proportion. It wasn't like he had killed anyone. Virgil paused in his pacing and glanced back at his phone. What to do, what to do, what to do? He tore his gaze away and sat down on his bed with a heavy sigh. He needed to clear his head. He stood back up and went to his kitchen, grabbing a poptart from his pantry. He nervously chewed on it until there was nothing left to chew on and he grabbed another. He sat on his counter with the box and snacked on poptarts until there were none left in the box. He looked at the box, missing the flavor and the feeling of chewing something. He stood and went back to his pantry, grabbing a box of crackers.

     One more snack couldn't hurt, right? Virgil sat back down on the counter, crunching on Ritz crackers. Strangely, it was a stress reliever for him. He could just lose himself in the rhythmic up-down-up-down of his jaw. The salt stung his gums after a while, but he mindlessly continued chewing. He didn't mind the sting. He hardly registered it anyway. He stared blankly ahead of himself, chewing. Time passed, but Virgil wasn't aware of it. It was an abstract thought that he dismissed absently. His eyes were glazed over and he didn't notice himself standing back up off of the counter and grabbing more crackers when the ones he was eating ran out.