Say You Want Me

It hurts

Hey! Thanks for reading this far. We all know bradga is VERY silent lately and I think this will just get worse, making all the rumors and the excitement fade. So I'm glad you guys are still reading my fanfiction lol

Please, leave a comment and I hope you all have a merry christmas and a happy new year's eve <3

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Stefani stares at her own reflection in the mirror. She wasn't proud of herself. How was she able to get involved with a man who had a family? That was one of the rules she vowed never to break. The trauma of being cheated by one of her ex boyfriends was enough to make her feel deadly disgusted by this kind of betrayal. But there she was, remembering Bradley's touches on her body last week when they were in her bedroom.

How did we get here? I'm so disgusted that I liked it so much.

But a week passed and they didn't see each other anymore. It was better that way for everyone. Not that there was an opportunity left, because they were both busy with new projects, but they kept talking by messages.

S- What do you think? These are tests for my Haus Laboratories makeup line.

Stefani sends him a picture wearing a shiny black eye shadow and lips full of pink gloss.

It took Bradley a few minutes to answer.

B- Oh, it's so bright and beautiful, Stef, just like you. Are you working on it now?

S- Yep, and I'm very excited!

"Bradley loved it." She tells Sarah, sitting next to her on the kitchen counter. The makeup artist tests another shadow on her arm, rubbing it so that it shines brighter. They sigh in pleasure as they see all the glitter come up.

"Really?" Sarah stares at her friend. "How are you guys going?"

"Actually, I don't know yet." Stefani knocks her fingers on the white marble countertop. "And I'm so stressed about it."

"Wait. What happened?"

"Nothing and everything at the same time."

"And that means?" Sarah opens another test bottle and mixes it in a pigment palette.

"Well, we've kind of been together, but now I feel so dirty about it..."

"Wait... you didn't..." She frowns unsure of what to say.

"We kind of did..." Gaga says those words not happy of herself.

"Stef, nooo! That's not good!" Sarah lowers her shoulders in dissatisfaction. She knows what Stefani thinks of this and understands what the singer is going through.

"I know! I'm not proud of it, Sarah. I'm beyond that, I feel so gross you have no idea. But it was so good the times it happened, you know?"

"So it happened more than once? Oh my God, you..." She takes a deep breath and stops what she's doing to give Gaga full attention. "Why? I thought you guys wouldn't go overboard, not when he has a fucking family, Stefani!" She was mad.

"It just happened! When we realized it, we were already kissing at his house. We didn't even think about it that much at the time. And then things got heated and we didn't go that far, but it was still wrong. And now I don't know what to do!" Stefani spits out the words in a hurry, afraid that if she doesn't tell everything at that moment, she won't be able to ever tell it again.

"You have to stop. You're hurting yourself again. This won't work."

"I gave him time. Said I couldn't put myself to something like that anymore, it's not healthy. Even if we feel great when we're together, I feel stupid and disgusting the rest of the time. I can't do that to Irina, I can't! But it's been a week since we talked about it and I feel he won't be getting away from her..." Gaga feels overwhelmed at venting with Sarah but relieved at the same time. She lets a tear down her cheek, then wipes it off. "I love him, you know."

"Stef, it must be so hard for him too. He seems to love Lea so much. It's not fair to any of you what's going on, but remember that love always prevails. You should know that at the end of the day everything will be alright." Maybe you can't openly love each other because this is not the right time for it, but love still exists, isn't it?"

Stefani nods with her eyes closed and resting her forehead on her palm.

"You're just overwhelmed, babe. Come here." Sarah pulls her into a hug.

"I just need him to have an attitude. I can't live stuck on him like that."

Sarah squeezes her in a hug, says a few more words and they get back to work. Sarah's company always helped raise Stefani's self-esteem, which is what friends are for. The phone vibrates a few more times and Stefani knows they are Bradley's messages, and she'll have time for him later. But will he have time for her, now that the awards season is over?

B- Sorry for the delay, Stef. This week has been a rush. We're just finishing all the stuff involving the Joker, you know, that movie I'm producing.

Bradley types while he waits for Lea to leave school. It had been a month since the last time he was with Stefani and he didn't feel good at all about it. He sees his fingers typing on the screen again:

B - I miss you.

Bradley takes a deep breath and feels a shiver of nervousness as he presses the send button, wondering if this is the right thing to do. Him doesn't want to hurt Stefani. He doesn't want to hurt himself.

Lea rushes against him and he carries her allowing himself to smile genuinely for the first time that day. His daughter's company was the best thing he could have that week.

After arriving home listening to Lea sing the whole way a new song she learned in class, Bradley hears the dry, cold voice with a hint of anger coming from the living room.

"I need you to take care of Lea next week. I'm going to travel for work." Irina tells him the news.

"Fine" he replies without much excitement. "I'm going to L.A. this weekend but I'll be back on Sunday to be with her."

Bradley goes into the kitchen and checks his cell phone, making another natural smile appear on his face.

S- Hey, B. It's good to know you're working because that's what you like to do, and I can't wait to watch this movie. I bet it's perfect :)"

S- And yes, I miss you too...

Bradley's fingers flick over the keyboard.

B- I'll be stepping on L.A. Friday night. I wonder if you can show me your makeup line that you're working with Sarah...

B- I mean, only if you're free, of course.

On the other side, Stefani smiles and feels her heart skipping in her chest. She was sad, but a simple text from him makes her day brighter. And that makes everything worse. The confusion takes over her mind. How can you do this to me?

S- Brad. You can show up anytime.

She wants to cry of happiness, only time knows how much she misses him.

B- Friday night then, at your house.

S- I can't wait! <3

Bradley chuckles and blocks the phone, opening the fridge to prepare a snack for Lea.

"What you're gonna do there?" Irina is leaning against the kitchen counter making Bradley startle slightly.

"I'll meet with the movie team, no big deal."

She analyzes him closely.

"And her? Are you going to see her?" Her voice shakes and Bradley notices that. They stare at each other seriously. He cuts pieces of tomato of different sizes, listening to the blood rushing through his veins because of the stress.

"Yes." He can't find another way of answering that, and after that, a horrible silence takes over the kitchen as if it wants to attend their little misery party. But Irina pushes it away with a sad sniff, and the next moment, Bradley hears her leaving the kitchen.