'Fire In Your Eyes' (Thorfinn x Reader) - Vinland Saga

Sov godt

GASP. Good fucking morning me!

I take a deep breath and calm myself. It's still dark outside but I can smell the early morning mildew. The familiar purr of insects humming with the occasional rolling snore of a brute. My face feels hot and slick with the cool sweat forming tiny droplets that roll down from my temples to my cheeks.

What the fuck was that?! Did I seriously dream about.. Thorfinn? THAT kind of dream? I'm attracted to him?! ... I mean... sure but... I would never. I couldn't ever. I grab my pillow and punch it a few times. No-No-No-No-NO!! Get-it-to-ge-ther! I think the punching is working but I don't want to have to make new pillows so I gather what little composure I have left and simply hold the pillow tightly to my chest, which is heaving in time to my mad pounding heart.

It's just a stupid dream... that's all. Grandma always used to say dreams were signs of things to come, like small visions. I hate to say it but she was definitely wrong... aside from the horrific memories of their deaths, I have only ever dreamt of their return. All of them. And that will never come to be. Seeing their beaming faces and hearing their sweet laughter, only for them to be shrouded in darkness, and the nightmare repeats itself again. Though this is the first dream I have had in months that has been different. I'm sorry grandma, but none of it means anything anymore.

I drag myself out of bed, the cold air hitting my skin faster than usual, stumbling as the headache hits me. Ah there's the hangover. I fill a small bowl I keep near the water barrel and take healthy scoops of water, downing it to stave off the throbbing in my temples. A few droplets drop from my mouth, down my chin and trickle down my chest. I definitely need a hot bath today.

I need to wash away my impurities. His non existent touch.

I distract myself with filling the deep metal pot I place over the fireplace, enough to fill my wash bucket which gives me my much needed hot water to get thoroughly clean. I take my time with this, dragging my feet across the floor with genuine effort. Once heated I carry the pot to my small washroom at the back of the hut, a room made with a clay baked floor that has a hole punctured in the sides of the wall to allow for the water to flow out and down towards the trees outside. I fill the bucket and start to undress. I sit naked on a small wooden stool and use a smaller container to pour the water over myself, working the dirt from my skin using cloths and a small bar of grandma's English rose oil soap. The hot water eases the tension from my muscles, I can feel my shoulders crunch and ache as I roll them back a few times. My matted hair now stuck to my head running wet and getting cleaner by the minute, and as my body gets cleaner, my mind becomes clearer. I stay sat there hot and naked for a while, I can see the light peeking through the windows. Sunrise.

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Ratatat- fucks sake what now??  I grumble grabbing my daggers and sword, placing it behind the door unsheathed and ready just as before. Opening the door I'm met with the waft of smokey sweat and Leif's gentle face, no smile or distinct emotional response to speak of, just bright brown eyes meeting mine. "Good morning soldier, how's your head?" he offers nodding his head, swift eyes sweeping up and down my body. 

My head's thumping like an anvil and this impromptu visit isn't helping. "General...uh-" I tilt my head so I'm able to see past him, no one with him or watching us. "Isn't it going to seem odd that the General is randomly visiting a rogue soldier in the early hours?" A knot twists in my stomach when it dawns on me what this little visit is for "... Ah. Got it." I bite through my teeth.

He breaks his gaze and scratches his head, is he as embarrassed as I am? "I do apologise.. I understand that it is not.. ideal."

Ideal? I would say this is probably one of the worst ways to spend my meaningless existence, but I am grateful for the fact that he hasn't demanded anything of me or attempted to take me for his own by force which I am fully aware of his capability to do so.

I breathe deep and shake my head. "That it isn't, but I guess for now we should keep up appearances until it is normal. Only then will the men ignore it."

We hold eye contact for a moment before he clears his throat.

"Join us for breakfast" I blink. Us?

"Another one of Master Gorm's feasts... courtesy of Askeladd."

I huff "General you-" I stop myself. I could tell him how I really feel, that he can stuff these social visits up his ass and stay the hell away from me, but what good would that do? This is what needs to be done, and I will undoubtedly be damned to the lowest circle of Hell for consorting with these monsters... but let's face it. I'm already in Hell.

"You can't come in" I mutter hesitantly "wait here..." I close the door enough for him to not see me suit up, daggers and sword this time, boots laced and short hair slicked back and still damp.

As I close the door Lief begins to descend the steps, I turn and catch a glimpse of a new figure watching us as we leave. My eyes needn't focus to know who it is, I see the distinct cream tunic and yellow hair. My eyes widen. Thorfinn?! What is he doing there?

His body is twisted in the direction of the trees, as if he was just leaving and caught us just as we were as well. Really? Gods, why? 

He holds his gaze with me for a moment before his eyes dart to Leif, stood beside me, posture straighter than before, a cold stare returning to Thorfinn. My face grows hot, swirling thoughts of last nights dream return, clouding all sense of judgement of this particularly awkward and unexpected moment. 

What's his problem now? Wait... does he think I'm with him? Like, with him with him? No!  I notice how close I'm standing to Leif, my eyes darting back and forth from him to Thorfinn, both still and scowling. Wait- So what?! We do need him to think that! So he runs off and tells all his brute buddies and so that they all think that and everyone goes back to leaving me the hell alone! That's what we need! Still... I don't want to ram it down his throat. Seriously why do we care that Thorfinn cares so much-?

I catch myself having this little debate with myself and turn my attention back to this awfully laboured exchange. It lasts for what feels like forever before Leif places a hand on my shoulder, I react instantly and bat his hand away. Both of them see this, I clear my throat and growl in my Norse/English hybrid tongue "There won't be any fucking food left if we wait. You coming or not General?" I take a sharp turn and pace briskly toward the centre of the camp. It is far too early for this shit!

I hear Lief's footsteps behind me, it doesn't take long for him to match my pace, what with him being at least 2 feet taller than me. I turn to see if Thorfinn follows... he hasn't. Instead I see the faint figure of his cream tunic head further away towards the trees until he vanishes in them. I can't help but feel disappointed that he didn't, although that's probably just the dream still talking. 

Leif is walking by my side now "Be wary of that one solider-"

"Yes! You said that last night!" I snap in English. 

"Remember your place soldier!" He barks back in Norse. I become aware of the other soldiers milling around us, waking up, stretching, leaving their tents to find their general in the middle of a domestic with his captive whore. 

Fan-fucking-tastic. 

Whispers and jeers from the men ripple as we continue through the crowds, I bite my tongue and swallow hard. I am powerless and will remain so until I am released from this, and this is to be the first day of many I would imagine. Well... at least the plan is working. 

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=.MERRY CRYSLER!!.=

~(^w^)~ I'm back guys and I promise I will be updating once a week from now on! If you've been reading this a while and been waiting I genuinely apologise. It's oki if you've gotten bored and gone to greener pastures! I will try not let you down now though! And you're new to this, hi! Welcome! I hope you're enjoying this and thank you for the support! 

Hope you've all had a wonderful holiday celebration! 

xx