August Alvarez
3:15 A.M.
UPS Warehouse
I swear I will quit this job in a heartbeat if I didn't need the money. Moving pretty fast, I'm scanning so many packages and loading them onto semi-trailers.
"Aye man, what's up with the wifey?" My best friend and co-worker Jevon asked me. Unlike me, he is single.
"Shit, at this point I don't know. She ain't came home. Last night she told me her and her girls went out and shit. Her ass probably got wasted, and crashed at one of em place." I said tossing a package.
My insecurity about my body kicked in after that Christmas party she went to last year. Jevon told me, doing manual labor is the best work out if I don't want to go to the gym. I didn't have the motivation to go so this is the next best thing.
"Well, y'all still young so I can see that. You stopped taking them damn percs. Those shits will kill you." He told me. I've heard this many times before from him and my other best friend Jada.
"I don't know man to be honest. They help with my shaking, and anxiety. I should actually be taking my xans, but I need to buy a refill for them. I don't really have the money until Friday to get a refill." I said bending down by the knees to pick this package up.
"Those ain't no better neither man. Just stick to weed, and you will be alright. You don't need that shit." Him and Jada are both scared that one day I will overdose on them. Honestly, I have twice since I've been with my wife. It scared them so much that they actually took them from me for a long time. The first my wife was scared shitless. The second, she still was scared, but it went away.
I stopped for a moment to drink some water, then went to a different trailer. "I know, I haven't really taken any in a while though." My once blue beanie is now navy blue due to all the sweat. My shirt is dark pink because of again of my sweat. I didn't want my hoodies on because of its hot in the warehouse. Then again it is winter, but I'm used to the cold. Being from St. Louis, I'm used to one minute being cold, then the next hot. Well, Jada, Jevon and I are all from St. Louis.
"I still don't like your wife man. She ain't doing you right man." He never really liked her. Honestly, everyone that I have dated in the past, he never liked any of them. Sometimes his judgment was true, but sometimes wrong too.
"You never liked anyone I have been with, that's why I don't listen to you." Just a few more hours then I will be actually done with work. My shift ends at 9 A.M..
Sometimes I actually do 18 hours shifts, and that's 1 in the morning to 9, and 12 in the afternoon to 9 at night. Its hard work, but it's money on the table.
"Listen, Aug, I just have a bad feeling about her. Like going out drinking on a Wednesday night, and don't come home to the person you married is concerning. If I had a wife, I'd be blowing her phone up. Then when her ass is sober and got that headache, I'll cuss her ass out. That out with the girls shit can be a cover-up dude."
"I got this, okay." I don't want to talk about it anymore. It's bad enough I have my suspicion too, but I try to push that out of my head.
He noticed that I didn't want to talk about it, and left it alone. My supervisor turned the music up a bit while we worked. I just wanted to work and lose this weight too. Even though the music was loud I still thought about my wife. Her phone just be sitting there taunting me to go through it. I don't want to because if I find what I don't want to, I'll just hurt my own feelings and torture myself. Then if I do, and find nothing, I will feel bad for not trusting her. I don't want to feel like her being Mrs. Alvarez was a mistake. Looking down at my silver wedding ring, it didn't feel like I found the right one. The doubt and the secrets haunt me.
I shook the thought from my head and pushed myself to work faster. So far I can scan and stack 210 boxes in an hour.
"Yo Aug, I need you to run all of these back to the processing belt." My supervisor said. The pile of boxes, iron, tires, and other shit is a lot. Good thing I actually bought a back brace, and knee compression sleeves. This cold weather is bad on my right knee. During the winter I have to wear my knee compression sleeve to keep it warm. It helps with a lot of things, but working here I need it.
8:57 A.M.
My wife probably has been at home already and changed to go to work. I can't wait to clock out though. I need a warm bath to relax my muscles and a nap.
"Better not stop at Mickey D's my nigga. Eat some toast and oatmeal, then a bowl of fruit." Ugh two sausage egg and cheese mcgiddle sound like heaven with two blunts.
"Fuck you." This is what I get for trying to get healthy. I can be a healthy fat person right? In my mind, I'm huge, but I'm not actually. All this sweating and lifting, I've really slimmed down. I just would want to tone and define everything.
"You're thinking too much." Jevon said.
"What I do?"
"Dude you lost some good amount of weight my guy. Throughout the five months, you have been working here, it's a big change. August, you went from a size 40 in men's jeans to a 36. You built strong, stocky as hell, but you did it. Next thing you know them abs will be coming in playa." He patted my back. "You sweat like yo damn daddy man."
"Hey fuck you. You ain't no better. Your socks be wet."
"So do your's sweaty feet. Feet be wet and you ain't do shit. The only nigga I know that could have cold feet that sweat."
"Look here, honestly I don't know why, but leave my toes alone. They ain't do shit to you." I laughed.
