Stop the Hate: Team Joey!

Life Before Anthem Lights

This year is going to be amazing! I love that I am finally a freshman in high school! New This year is going to be amazing! I love that I am finally a freshman in high school! New year of band, "fun" classes with nice teachers. What could go wrong?

That is the worst thing you can say because everything that can go wrong I felt at the time.... DOES!!!!

Back the year before in eighth grade I joined marching band. I took it as a challenge to do it. I wanted to have a musical challenge because all the music in regular band was too easy. I had to step up my game.

I thought marching band was all the exercise I needed because we run drill sets over and over. We have to bolt back to our spot or we get a little "pep talk" from our band director. He doesn't get really mad, but he can get upset which makes it unhappy for any band member. Never ever... I mean NEVER forget your drill book, for if that one time you do, you are running laps. I only forgot it once, so after that I never forgot it again.

Marching band as my only sport only worked for a little while. I thought I could eat what I wanted and burn it off marching. That started going down hill my freshman year when I realized that was a mistake.

I started to gain weight, and I was unhappy. My mom tried to lead me in the right direction which I didn't like her telling me what to/not eat. I would sneak food and eat it. Then I would cry later, get over it and then my mom would try to talk to me again. She knew I wasn't listening and she told me. I still wanted her to tell me. I felt deep inside it told me she loved me if she helped me. It might have not sank in then, but eventually it will.

I wanted to correct it, so I joined varsity swimming that freshman year. I wanted to get in fit so bad. I already did swimming in middle school, so I wanted to continue. The biggest difference between middle and high school is middle school swimming is six days a week with an hour and a half of practice. With high school varsity, you have six days a week for three hours AND one to two morning practices before school at five o clock in the morning. I refused to give up or drop swimming. After a while it wasn't so bad, but I would come home at six o clock after swimming exhausted. I had to eat dinner, and go to my room to do my homework. I basically was tired everyday from doing that. I didn't have a choice with homework in almost every class.

It goes to the middle of the year and I notice my math starts to drop. Like a wild fire of numbers and letters. I feel I got it, but once the test came I could not unfreeze my brain. What was worse was it was first period of school at 7:35 in the morning. I would listen in class. I did all the homework, yet it wouldn't go through.

I would hide up in my room with the door closed and my dad would mad at me. He would joke about it, but at the time I didn't notice. Now I know I bet he was hurting inside I wasn't coming out. Teens can be confusing, especially girl teens. We sometimes keep secrets and don't like to talk to others about it. I learned that's the worst thing you can do, but I did it anyway.

Sometimes I hurt so much inside that I would cry in my bed, in my room, alone. Not knowing what to do and sometimes even wanting to give up. There was the tiniest little voice that came from wayyyyyy deep within that told me "keep fighting" I didn't know who's it was at the time, but I listened to it.

I have a younger brother and at times when I had a bad attitude I would take it out on him. He would tease and annoy me so bad I would scream and throw stuff. I was a toddler stuck in a teen body.

I haven't gone to teen sermons at my church Sunday nights in a while. They take a break from June to August for summer vacation, mission trip, etc. But when they started back up in August I didn't go. I either made up an excuse to not go, didn't feel like it, had something to do, or just didn't go period. My youth pastor kept asking me to come the next Sunday that was coming up, and it was the same excuse again and again. "Sorry have something to do I promise next weekend"

Sometimes I wish I would have done something different. Anything to make my life any easier.

I felt hopeless. I was in the dark. I wondered "am I ever going to get through this?" "Why aren't you helping me God?" Sometimes I doubted He was real or that He cared at all. I was that lonely girl still trying to believe, but my faith was hanging from a string breaking everyday ready to snap any time. I was hiding behind that 'happy mask' and sometimes I couldn't take it anymore.

I kept thinking... "Is God even real?"

This was my life without the 'loving music' came into my life. I know this almost seemed impossible to me cuz I thought to myself 'nothing will ever happen bad and nothing grand will ever happen because it never has, so it never will.

This was my troubles of freshman year summoned up, but something or someone/ some people come along to help me out. I think you can guess which band became my "Lifeline" this doesn't happen for a while, but keep reading to find out what my reaction is when it does!