Gardening
by Mr. Mobutu
You need good fertilizer and a lot of it. Get some people to spread down, enough for a whole field. Get their children to fill in the edges. Over that, you bring in the dirt for a hard-packed covering, but you must keep it smooth. It takes awhile to bring in enough dirt, so all you hear is the silence of the field, and not the things growing, underneath.
Caring for Pets
by Mr. Botha
The dogs will bark while they’re chained and there is nothing you can do about that. I feed them enough to keep them hungry and their teeth sharp. Look for the heft of the thigh, the shiny flank. You can breed loyalty just like you can breed killing. Give them permission to do nothing except your command. Otherwise they may be found dead, no matter how fond of them you thought you had become.
A Clean House
by Mr. Milosovic
You should be able to smell your own fingers and smile. I have three binders of evidence, despite the locked truck they pulled from the lake. Make sure you dispose of all your garbage. In the waking daylight, you must be able to show you have scraped away what is contaminated – even if you’re not tidy, at least have pride in your work.
Appliances in Good Order
by Mr. Pinochet
Sometimes you have to do the job yourself, and for those unexpected or even planned events, good tools make all the difference. You don’t want to have to rip the doorsoff the oven or wrench the dishwasher’s ball bearings loose. You want to move so slowly you can feel the grease in the air, see the metal entrails on the floor before you even raise your hand. Make sure you keep the manual close. Some parts aredifficult to put back.
YOU ARE READING
The Dictators' Guide to Good Housekeeping
PoetrySelected by Margaret Atwood for the 2012 Atty Award. Collection of 10 poems. (The cover photo is a detail from the painting "Eine kleine Nachtmusik" by Dorthea Tanning. Tate Collection, London).
