Stay With Me

16

Vanessa watched from the window as Euronymous and Dead made their way back up the driveway smiling and talking with each other. Maybe he was serious about changing. She silently hoped that was the case, hoping that he wouldn't just hurt Dead once more. As they came closer to the house, Vanessa made her way down the stairs to greet them.

Dead's smile widened as she entered the room, his arms opening to embrace her as she walked over to where he stood. Vanessa shivered as he pulled her against him, the cold fabric causing goosebumps to rise.

"When is our next show supposed to be?" questioned Dead.

Euronymous shrugged. "Not sure honestly. I was thinking we could try expanding. Call up some places out of country and see if they'll let us play there."

"Out of country? That's expensive as hell."

"Well Vanessa said she would help us out with money so we could use some of that."

Vanessa nodded. "Whatever helps you guys get out there."

Dead leaned down, placing a soft kiss on the top of her head. "Thank you."

Leading her back upstairs to the bedroom, Dead closed the door and looked at her longingly.

"I need to know something."

Vanessa looked at him with questioning eyes. "What is it?"

Dead sighed, moving closer to her, his hands resting on her hips. "Would you still love me if I wasn't famous? Would you stay with me even if I decided to leave Mayhem? Would you have come for me if I was anyone else?"

Her answer came so softly he almost hadn't heard her. "Yes. I believe that no matter what or who you were, or are, we were meant to be together."

"I'm sorry I keep questioning everything so often. I just, I guess I'm just used to people hurting me. I mean, I was literally beaten to the point where I died and came back!"

"Pelle, I know people have hurt you before but do you honestly think I would say yes to marrying you if I was going to hurt you?"

"I want to believe you wouldn't. I trust you not to hurt me, but I still have those voices telling me you would or that you're only with me for when we become famous. There were people who hurt me just because they could. I stopped believing in anything truly good a long time ago. It's hard to believe that you aren't just another dream I'm going to wake up from. Jag är rädd. "

Vanessa reached into her pocket, feeling the long dead phone that she had kept on her. There was no point in trying to charge it, no point in even having the damn thing at this point. It was completely useless now. At best the only thing it could do was let her play some of the wifi free games she had downloaded to keep herself busy while she was out. There was no real way to translate what he had just said, but the tone of his voice implied enough to get it across that he was doubtful, or at the very least afraid. How could anyone blame him? The life he had was hellish to say the least. Why was it she expected everything to change simply because she was here now?

Because that's what I was hoping for. I wanted to believe this was going to be as easy as showing up and convincing him to not do it. I've been completely selfish about this. Things in this time are so much more different than in mine. Mental health isn't even something that people really wanted to believe.

"Pelle," she started. "I'm sorry."

Dead's expression turned to one of confusion and fear. "What are you saying?"

Vanessa shook her head. "I came here thinking that things would be different. That maybe if we were together it would somehow magically change your outlook on life, but I forgot that's not how things work. All these fears you have, the doubts, the voices, it's all normal whether or not you believe that. I knew a lot of people that had to go seek professional help just because they were feeling so lost in life or because they were treated almost as badly, if not worse, than you."

The room fell silent as Dead absorbed her words. Had he really made her feel like she hadn't changed his outlook on things? His mind clouded with a million thoughts, wondering if maybe he was reading too much into something. How many times did he have to question her before she decided to just up and leave? His mouth became dry as he tried to choose his next words carefully.

"Do you really believe you can save me?"

"I can try."