Stay With Me

39 (38 pt 2)

Euronymous inhaled deeply, letting the breath leave his nose slowly as he tried desperately to keep himself grounded. The world around him stopped making any sense the moment Vanessa had come into their lives, but now it seemed as though he were living in a nightmare. Shutting his eyes tightly, Euronymous tried to burn out the image of Dead's pale body as the doctors surrounded him, the monitor he was hooked to making one long continuous beep. The three of them had been forced out of the room, now it was just a matter of patience. Patience he knew he didn't have.

Hellhammer and Necro had gone to get food, leaving him alone outside the hospital waiting for someone to tell him anything. Forcing his eyes open, tears threatening to fall once again, he gazed up at the bright orange moon. It hadn't fully risen into the sky, only slightly peeking out from behind the trees in front of it, but it could still be seen slowly making its way higher into the night sky. Moons like this had always been Dead's favorite, it always seemed to mesmerize the vocalist to the point of complete oblivion to his surroundings. It also wasn't rare to find the vocalist asleep under a tree from gazing at the sky for so long.

"Damn it, Dead," he cursed under his breath. "Why'd you have to be so fucking stupid?"

He knew the answer to that already. He had been through a similar phase after Vera had died, wanting to end it all but being too much of a coward to actually do anything about it. Dead hadn't intended to kill himself, just to relieve some of the pain for a while. None of them had really known just how bad his addiction had become, never really paid much attention to the symptoms.

Only focusing on the music.

"Damn it."

The words came out in barely a whisper, lacking any kind of conviction behind them. There was no excuse for not noticing. It was his job as their leader to make sure everyone stayed functional and preferably alive. Taking another glance at the moon, the halo around it now a fiery red, now shining brightly above his head far from where it had originally been. Clearly he had been lost in thought longer than he had realized.

I need this. I need to think straight.

The words echoed through his mind, firm and true. It had been months, maybe even a year or more, since he had let his mind actually process any of the past events. Everything had revolved around making music, playing shows, anything to keep him busy for a while until he fell asleep at night. Now, with no one but his thoughts to keep him company, reality had begun to seep into him.

In another life, he was dead. Six feet underground while his family mourned him. Not only that, but someone from another time had cared enough about them to want to try and stop it from happening. Even if she had only done it for Dead, there was no denying that she had saved his life as well. He hadn't believed her, not at first. Things like that had only ever been science-fiction, a work of the imagination, not a reality. Now, everything seemed so unreal. Everything he had ever wanted could easily be his in just a while longer, his life could finally be where he wanted it to be. The band would be famous, Vera would still be by his side, no one would have to die.

Paradise.

"Excuse me?"

Euronymous sharply turned, not having heard anyone walk up behind him. "Yes?"

"My name is Dr. Isaksen, I came to tell you that your friend has been stabilized and is now resting."

His eyebrows furrowed, his mind still processing. "He's alive?"

The doctor nodded. "He shouldn't be. At one point we believed he was gone, one of our nurses called the time of death and shortly after we heard the monitor signal a heartbeat. By all accounts, your friend should in fact be dead right now. He's a very lucky man."

Euronymous nodded, at a loss for words. Dead had...died?

At least the fucker is still breathing...

Turning away from the doctor, Euronymous continued his walk. There would be plenty of time in the morning to deal with Dead, to figure everything out and go from there. For now, he just needed to be away from people. His body shook, nerves almost completely broken down. A small part of him had almost wanted him to die. At least then he wouldn't be so miserable all the time.

No. That's not true.

Even if there had been any truth to it, Euronymous was almost positive he would regret the sentiment anyway. The two had in a way grown closer, not exactly the best of friends, but enough to where they could actually hold down a conversation without one of them wanting to fight; surely that had to mean something.

Maybe he needs a break from this for a while.

The thought lingered for a while, sounding harsh at first, but the more Euronymous thought about it the more it almost made sense. If Dead pushed himself too hard now before getting any help he would end up in the same position, if not worse, later on. If they were to have any chance of success they needed him alive.

While he's getting help I could always find more venues that would take us.

He remembered seeing posters for an upcoming tour for Darkthrone. If Euronymous remembered correctly, he still had the phone number for one Fenriz somewhere in the house. Maybe they could join them as a warm up act.

Shaking his head, Euronymous continued to walk down the sidewalk. Even if he somehow managed to convince Fenriz to get on board with it, he'd have to talk with the venue as well as their manager to make it happen at all.

What other option do we really have? Not going to get very far if something doesn't happen soon.

He would make the calls later on, maybe once he knew Dead was alright or when Hellhammer could babysit him. However it happened, he would make sure Mayhem would be part of the line up for the show one way or another.