Stay With Me

15

Dead watched as the sun rose. It had been another sleepless night, the few minutes of sleep he managed to get were full of haunting memories he longed to forget. His eyes moved to glance down at Vanessa's sleeping form still curled up against his chest, completely unaware of the menacing thoughts that drifted through his mind. With each passing day the sweet invitation of death seemed more welcoming as time went on. He tried to fight the thoughts off, tried his best to think about the positives in his life. Hell, he finally had someone who truly cared about him and actually wanted to marry him.

Why does everything have to be so fucked up? It would be so much easier to just end it now and give her a chance at finding someone better. Someone who could actually give her what she deserves. Not living here in this shit shack.

His eyes closed as he pondered the thought. As much as he wanted to end it, he wanted to keep trying for her sake. Maybe things would work out in the end the way she hoped they would.

But wouldn't that mean she's only with you so you become famous? Would she have even cared about you if you were just a random person? The only reason she knew of you was because of your death.

A small groan was heard beside him as Vanessa turned over on her side, freeing him from her arms. As much as he enjoyed being close to her, he needed some fresh air to clear his mind before she woke up. Slowly making his way off the bed, Dead pulled on his boots and headed down the stairs, the sight of Euronymous asleep on the couch taking him by surprise. As much as he wanted to hate the guitarist for everything that had happened, Dead hoped that maybe they could be friends once again.

The crisp morning air whipped across his face as he opened the door, the sun against the fallen snow almost blinding. Struggling to regain his sight back, Dead began the familiar walk into the forest. His stomach twisted and turned with each step as his mind continued to race, his anxiety rising as he felt as though he was going to throw up. How did people do this? How was it so easy for some to forget the wrongs of those who had hurt them and just move on with a smile? It made no sense.

The more he thought about it, the more he thought of Vanessa. A small smile crept onto his face as he pictured her in a long flowing black dress as she made her way towards him with her long hair flowing gracefully behind her. The image alone was enough to stop him in his tracks as he watched the scene play out. Small fragments of what could be flashed through his mind. The two of them standing together in front of a large crowd as they recited their binding vows in the dead of night under a full moon. Even with the crowd of people, all he could see was her standing before him as she took his name.

His smile grew, the sound of her name with his seeming like an almost impossible dream. The fact that she had already agreed to simply run away with him was enough to make his heart pound with excitement. Maybe they could have a real wedding one day if they were to just run away.

"Why can't I make up my mind about how I feel?" he wondered aloud. "Why does it have to be a fucking battle every day?"

"Maybe because it's just a you thing."

Dead jumped, startled that someone actually answered him. He slowly relaxed as he faced Euronymous. The guitarist still looked as though he could have used a few more hours of sleep, his hair stuck out in almost every direction as he took a step closer.

"What are you doing out here?" questioned Dead.

Euronymous shrugged. "I heard you leave and figured it was a good time to come talk to you."

"What do you want?"

Euronymous sighed. "Look, I know we've had a lot of shit happen lately and it's my fault. I want to apologize. I'm not gonna give you some half assed speech about why you should give me another chance or whatever, but I want you to know I'm sorry and that I won't ever try anything like that again. I guess...I guess it was just hard seeing you two so in love and not being able to act like that with Vera anymore. Yesterday was her birthday and I've just been so lonely. I haven't touched another girl since she died and Vanessa reminded me a lot of her. I know that's no excuse but..."

"Euronymous," interrupted Dead.

"Yeah?"

"Shut the fuck up."

The two smiled at one another, the silence now free of the tension that had built up between them.

"We should be getting back. I think I heard Vanessa get in the shower not long before I came after you."