Stay With Me

30

Keeping his head down Dead's gaze was locked on the table beneath him as the voices of his friends echoed around him. He had tuned out Euronymous after being berated by the guitarist for a good forty-five minutes, naturally followed by Hellhammer and Necro commenting on how stupid he had been for even thinking Vanessa would want to be with Euronymous after everything that had happened.

Why hasn't she tried to come back?

The thought festered in his mind. Why hasn't she tried to come back yet? Surely she could if she really wanted to. Was she really done with him now? Even if she was he couldn't blame her.

But she wanted me to know the truth.

Slowly lifting his head, Dead looked at Euronymous with bloodshot eyes. "Why hasn't she tried to come back yet?"

"Maybe because she can't believe you did that," snapped the guitarist. "Fuck if I know. If I had to guess, it's either because she's in complete shock or because she literally can't for some reason."

"Why wouldn't she be able to?"

Euronymous growled. "You ask this shit like I'm some kind of fucking expert! Why the hell do you think I know any more than you do? We all literally just found all this out trying to find you! If anyone should be asking questions it's us! You knew about her and didn't bother to say anything! I mean, fuck! This shit involved both of us remember? As far as her time period is concerned we're both rotting right now!"

His lip trembled, choking back the sobs that racked his body. As much as he didn't want to believe it, Euronymous was probably right. How was he supposed to know anything? Even Dead didn't know what would happen when he sent her back. For all he knew, coming back for him could have only worked once.

Hellhammer set his beer down on the table. "So what's the plan?"

"We keep booking shows," stated Euronymous dryly. "There's nothing we can really do at this point. I think if she was gonna come back she would be here by now. If everything works out the way she wants it to, we should be one of the biggest bands in the world right now along with Dead and I still being alive."

"You're saying we have to find her the hard way?" questioned Necro.

"Unfortunately. She said she was from some point in 2012 or some shit like that so that gives us, let me think for a second...around twenty-four or twenty-five years, give or take, to get there."

"Almost thirty fucking years?" whispered Dead. I have to wait that long?"

Euronymous rolled his eyes. "Well smartass, if you had listened from the start we wouldn't be in this position. The only problem is that the future us is literally riding on the fame that Dead's suicide gave us."

"Wait," interrupted Necro. "Maybe we can make it look like Dead is, well, Dead. All we would need are some gory props and some good makeup and blood and we could make it look real as hell!"

Hellhammer nodded. "I'm sure Melanie could help us out there."

Necro shook his head. "Believe me, I love what your girlfriend does..."

"She's not my girlfriend!" Hellhammer yelled as he punched his friend in the arm.

"Not yet she isn't. Anywhore, we need someone professional to do this. It has to look like Dead really did blow his brains out."

"What the hell is going on?" demanded Anders as he entered the kitchen. "Why are you talking about my brother being dead?"

Euronymous rolled his eyes. "Don't worry about it. This doesn't concern you."

"It does concern me! He's my brother! He hasn't been right since he came back! We just had to bandage him up after he tried carving himself like a turkey!"

Dead shook his head. "For once Euronymous is right, this really doesn't concern you. All we are discussing is a potential album cover that will help us get famous. It isn't as drastic as it sounds."

Anders watched skeptically as his brother toyed with his fingers. "What happened to you, Pelle? Who hurt you so badly this time?"

Dead scoffed. "This time, little brother, there is no one else to blame but myself."

"There must be something I can do to help you," he pleaded. "I want to help you through this. Maybe if you talk to mor..."

"Nej. I'm not telling her anything about this. I suggest you stay quiet too."

"Varför släpper du inte in mig?" argued Anders.

Dead glared over at his little brother, knowing full well that his friends didn't understand what he was saying.

"Eftersom jag behöver göra detta på egen hand!"

The argument continued for a few moments before Dead slammed his fists down on the table.

"Shut up! This conversation is done! You can't help us with this!"

"Dead," muttered Hellhammer. "He's just trying to help you. You're his older brother after all. Just calm down."

Dead nodded, taking deep heavy breaths as he did. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have yelled like that. I just...want her back."

Anders looked at him in confusion. "This is all about a girl? You never told us you had a girlfriend!"

Necro chuckled, taking a sip of his beer. "Oh he had a girlfriend alright. She was actually about to marry your brother in a few months."

"Why didn't you tell us when we came to get you? Why wasn't she with you?"

Dead broke down once more, his cries no longer muffled. "Because I didn't listen to her. I thought she lied to me in the worst ways, but she didn't. I pushed her so far away that I don't know if she'll ever forgive me."

Anders nodded, wrapping an arm around his brother. "You'll find her, Pelle. And when you do, marry her on the spot."

Dead tried to smile through the tears, his vision of a long black dress in his mind, but the regret he felt kept the frown plastered on his face. Reaching for another bottle of beer, Dead wasted no time in gulping it down. He hoped the intoxication would be enough to wipe the pain away, hoped it would wake him up from the god-awful nightmare he was living; or at the very least make him suffer. Looking out the window as the storm continued to rage, Dead set the now empty bottle back down on the table beside the other three.

"You need to calm down," muttered Euronymous. "Alcohol poisoning won't get you to her any faster."

Dead glared, his reddened eyes burning with anger. "Shut up."

"Just trying to help."

"I don't need help! I want the fucking pain to go away!"

The three groaned out, getting more annoyed by the second that Dead still hadn't gotten on the same page.

"Look," snapped Hellhammer. "There isn't jack-shit we can do about it now. The only thing we can do is move forward and get to where we need to be. If we want to have any chance of making it to the states then we need to fucking focus and you need to stop with the pity party. Yeah, you fucked up, but it's not the end of the world. I know for a fact that she still loves you and honestly, you two are probably together as we speak laughing it off in Transylvania with the other vampires out there."

Dead couldn't help the soft smile as he tried to imagine what they'd be doing. "Maybe you're right. I just wonder what we're doing now."

*Varför släpper du inte in mig--why don't you let me in?

*Eftersom jag behöver göra detta på egen hand--Because I need to do this on my own!

*Mor--Mother