Stay With Me

10

The nightmares had become all too real. Everything looked as though he were looking through a wet mirror; distorted, chaotic... unreal. He couldn't focus anymore despite his best efforts to come up with new material for the band, his relationship with Vanessa was becoming strained and he worried she would leave for good. She had been spending more time with Melanie and Hellhammer, but when she was around him she would always try and be as supportive as she could; but even Dead knew that she probably had her limits with how hard she was willing to push. His mind raced, the voices in his head screaming at him to just end it all with one blow. To finally give everyone around him some form of peace so they wouldn't be burdened with him anymore. So he wouldn't have to feel as though he were drowning anymore. He could finally be free.

Ever since he punched Euronymous the guitarist had been treating him worse than ever before along with Varg. It was as if the two were teaming against him to make his life more miserable than it already was. Drawing frantically on what seemed like the hundredth piece of paper, he scribbles the landscape of a cemetery he once walked through when he was younger in an attempt to escape from the people who bullied him. The one place he could almost call his happy place. Surrounding him were similar drawings, if one could call them that, of his home, his family and such all up in flames as if they were in Hell. Tossing the pen across the room his hands made their way into his hair, tugging hard as he rocked back and forth on the mattress trying to tune the voices out as they grew louder with each passing moment. The bedroom door opened as Vanessa walked into the room. The smile she had fell as she saw the papers thrown around the room and the panicked blond in front of her.

"Pelle!" she cried as she ran over to his side. "Pelle are you alright?"

Jerking away from her Dead quickly stood and ran out the door. Downstairs, and out the front door into the forest. He could hear her call out to him begging him to stop and talk to her, but he couldn't. His legs carried him further into the forest as if he were on autopilot, pushing past the hanging tree limbs and fallen branches on the snow covered ground. His lungs burned as the cold air made it harder and harder for him to catch his breath, yet, the burning felt good. Made him feel... something... Anything was better than the horrible feeling he was having.

He wasn't sure where he was going, wasn't sure how far he had gone, but it seemed as if he had been running for a while. He felt bad for running away from Vanessa like that, he never wanted to run from her, but he couldn't be around her like this. He couldn't help but wonder if she even still cared about him anymore. She had been distant with him, she stopped telling him anything as well as stopped spending time with him. She had even stopped telling him she loved him like she used to. He didn't want to be a burden on her anymore with his problems.

Tripping over a fallen branch, Dead fell to the ground sobbing into the freezing snow, ice cutting into his face and arms as he struggled to find the will to get back up. Lifting his head, his eyes widened as he watched each tree around him go up in flames until he was completely surrounded by a raging inferno.

This is it. This is where you'll die.

Dead's sobbed harder, the heat grew more intense as the fire came closer and closer to him, yet he wasn't afraid. He would gladly the flames coming to engulf him just so he could be released from this hell. Sure, he would miss Vanessa with all his heart, but she could easily do better than him. He focused on her, his last true happy thought, as he choked on the smoke. His favorite memory of when they first kissed flashing through his mind. He could never regret her. He was glad that his first kiss had been with the woman of his dreams; was glad that she wanted to be with him.

He let out a pain filled scream as the first of the flames touched his skin, his head flung back to the sky as he screamed. There was no going back now. No one was going to save him, he had run too far and fast for anyone to get to him in time. Even if they did reach him before he was completely consumed by the flames there was no way they would be able to put it out before it killed him. This was the end... and he was ready for it. His eyes closed as he laid down on the ground, the feeling in his body completely gone at this point. There was no more pain to be felt. It was only a matter of time before eternal darkness took over him.

Vanessa...

Choking on the smoke, he managed to find his voice. "I love you, with all my cold, dead heart."

"Pelle!" he could hear her scream.

Just let it all go ...let death finally take me.

He could feel her hands on him as she began to shake him.

Wait...

Opening his eyes he saw that the flames had gone without a trace. The trees around them stood tall and proud as they swayed in the cold wind. He looked over to Vanessa, her face red from the winter air, her eyes red and puffy as tears ran down her face almost freezing to her skin as she cried. Pulling him into a sitting position she took off her jacket and wrapped it around him in her best effort to warm him.

"What are you doing out here? I thought I lost you."

His eyes drifted to the ground as he answered shakily. "You don't act the same anymore. It's like you want nothing to do with me. With us. You spend most of your time with Melanie and Hellhammer now. You don't need me anymore."

Her mouth hung open as she struggled to find her voice. "Pelle, I didn't know I was hurting you this badly. I should have told you what was going on from the beginning, but I didn't know how to tell you. I'm so sorry, Pelle. You need to know I love you with all my heart and that never once changed."

Looking at her with tears in his own eyes he waited for her to tell him why she had been so distant with him. Why she had been spending so much time with everyone but him.

"Pelle, I... I think I'm pregnant."