Newly Written Reviews

Silence

Cover: 4/10

While I like the tie in of the mother of one found in the summary, I don't think the image works for the cover. The dark filter makes the image a bit hard to see. I do like the text of the title and the username is easy to see. If you want a new cover, I'd be more than happy to make one for you! Just PM me.

Title: 8/10

I like the simplicity of the title. While it's not the most original title, it still sets up the creep factor of the story. Simplicity can be better than wild and extravagant sometimes.

Summary: 5/10

I like that your summary actually summaries the book a bit and gives the reader a glimpse of what to expect. I also love that this book is going to focus on a single mother protecting her daughter! For the summary, maybe try something along these lines:

Zeal would do anything to protect her daughter.

When a stalker from her past begins Lise, Zeal takes matters into her own hands to keep her daughter safe.

And then maybe add in a few more details relevant to the plot. I also think you can cut out the disclaimer about the book not being a cliche. Sometimes that actually leads people to believe it's the exact opposite and can turn people away.

Grammar/Spelling/Punctuation: 6/10

Overall, the grammar portion of the story was fairly decent. There are a few things I would like to go over though.

Adverbs are okay to use, but make sure you use them sparingly. Using too many adverbs can really slow down the story and take away from descriptions. For example, if I said
"The wolf howled loudly. Birds quickly flew from the forest." It gives you an idea, but it can be expanded upon for the reader to visualize. "The wolf's howl echoed into the dark night, startling a flock of birds out of the forest."

Same thing with Passive Voice. Passive Voice is where you use a form of the verb to be. So verbs like was, had, had been, were, etc... are all passive voice. This again slows down the writing and takes away from descriptions. It is okay to use, but you want to try and cut what you have in half.

For example: "Her hair was red and was up in a ponytail."

Can be turned into: "Her strawberry colored hair sat neatly tucked in a ponytail."

Little things like that can really improve the overall flow.

One last thing I wanted to mention was showing vs telling. Telling is where you as the author tell us things that are happening and things about our character. Showing is where you use your writing to show it. Sounds confusing? Let me show an example that may help!

Telling: It was cold outside. That upset me. I would freeze before I got to work.

Showing: I stepped outside and was greeted with a blast of icy air. Goosebumps formed along my bare arms. Rubbing my hands together, I popped back inside and grabbed a coat. I sighed. I'd be an icicle by the time I reached work.

There is a balance between showing and telling. Kind of like scales. It's okay to tell, but you normally want showing to try and outweigh the telling. It really helps immerse the reader into your narrative.

Plot: 7/10

So far I'm enjoying the plot. I think you are doing a great job showcasing the mother/daughter relationship our two characters have. It seems like their bond is strong and it makes sense that the mom would do anything to protect her child. Also, I love the mystery you are building with this mysterious new friend. It seems to be changing the daughter's behavior.

I do think the dream chapter cold be combined with another chapter just because it's super short and feels a bit odd as a stand-alone.

Characters: 6/10

Again, I think you have done a good job establishing your characters. Zeal definitely feels like a protective mother of her child. She worries about mysterious new kids and scolds her child for throwing a temper tantrum. Her life revolves around her young daughter as does most single mothers.

I do think the character's dialogue can be fleshed out a bit more. Sometimes the sentences feel a bit robotic and unnatural.

For instance, instead of saying "What's the deal with this child?"

I think it would sound more natural to say. "Who is this?" Because the teacher already knows Zeal is talking about the child.

Just a thought!

Overall: 6/10

You have some really strong elements here and an enjoyable story! I really like the plot you are developing and I am enjoying your characters. I think working on the overall flow and fleshing out that dialogue will improve how the story reads. Keep up the good work, and thank you for letting me review your book.