'just breathing

'lockdown

My feelings aren't valid
They aren't worthy enough
To be cared about
I guess that's alright
I wouldn't care aswell
Because I don't know
What I feel

Will I ever be good enough?
Will I ever be worthy?
What a way of coping
By pushing it away

Feeling empty
I don't know how to feel
Being numb is my speciality
Only I can embrace the darkness
Could it ever be fixed
I'm losing control again
Ain't nobody can pull me out of this hole
Even if someone did
I will never be the same

Building my walls high up
Locking everyone out
Hiding from the trouble
Looking for a solution
But never finding one

Actually I'm searching for love
Someone who is willing to break in
To want my trust and flaws
But I'm terrified
Of being heartbroken
Being betrayed by love

Feeling empty
I don't know how to feel
Being numb is my speciality
Only I can embrace the darkness
Could it ever be fixed
I'm losing control again
Ain't nobody can pull me out of this hole
Even if someone did
I will never be the same

Everything is just a lie
All love gave me was pain
Tears like an ocean
Taking caution with every step I make
Afraid to have my heart shattered
In a thousand pieces
Unable to pick it up
Lost and uncomplete

Hiding my true self
Behind a broken smile
Building my wall higher and thicker
Each time someone get's closer and closer

Fear and insecurity
Are stopping me from feeling love
It got it's power over me
Using people against me
Fighting my heart

All I need is someone to pick me up
Bring my pieces together
Love the broken me so much
That I forget what fear is
To stop my self destruction

Feeling empty
I don't know how to feel
Being numb is my speciality
Only I can embrace the darkness
Could it ever be fixed
I'm losing control again
Ain't nobody can pull me out of this hole
Even if someone did
I will never be the same

Maybe someday
I'll see the light
Though my thick walls
And finally realise
That you were my rescue call

";"

05-04-2019 
11:52 PM